High-functioning anxiety is a hidden struggle that often goes unnoticed, especially in children who appear outwardly successful or composed. While they may excel in school or seem highly responsible, these children may be grappling with inner turmoil, excessive worry, or a need for perfection. Recognising high-functioning anxiety early can help you provide the support they need to thrive. Here are some common signs that your child may be experiencing high-functioning anxiety.
1. Excessive Worry About Everyday Activities
Children with high-functioning anxiety often worry constantly about routine activities. They may obsess over the possibility of failing, disappointing others, or making mistakes, even when no real threat exists.
Example: A child might repeatedly ask for reassurance about their performance on a test or during a social interaction, despite receiving positive feedback.
2. Perfectionism and Fear of Failure
High-functioning anxiety often shows up as a strong drive for perfection. These children set unrealistically high standards for themselves and fear falling short, which can lead to avoidance of activities where they feel they might not excel.
Example: A child may spend hours on a school project to ensure every detail is perfect or avoid trying a new sport because they’re worried they won’t be good at it.
3. Physical Symptoms of Anxiety
Children with high-functioning anxiety may experience frequent physical symptoms, including stomach aches, headaches, muscle tension, or fatigue. These symptoms often worsen before stressful events but can also persist throughout the day.
Example: Complaints of a “sore tummy” before school or a presentation could indicate underlying anxiety.
4. Overthinking and Overplanning
These children may overanalyse situations or create overly detailed plans to prepare for every possible outcome. While this behaviour may seem like they’re being responsible, it often stems from their anxiety-driven need to feel in control.
Example: A child might repeatedly check and recheck their homework to ensure no mistakes, even when there’s no real need.
5. Difficulty Sleeping
An anxious mind can make it hard for children to unwind, leading to difficulty falling or staying asleep. They may lie awake replaying events from the day or worrying about what’s to come.
Example: A child may frequently get out of bed saying they can’t sleep or need reassurance about an event happening the next day.
6. Reluctance to Try New Things
High-functioning anxiety can make children hesitant to step out of their comfort zone. They may avoid new experiences, activities, or social settings out of fear of failure, embarrassment, or uncertainty.
Example: A child may decline an invitation to a friend’s party or a new extracurricular activity even though they initially seemed interested.
7. Excessive Need for Reassurance
Children with high-functioning anxiety often seek constant reassurance from parents, teachers, or peers. While some reassurance is normal, frequent or repetitive questioning can signal deeper anxiety.
Example: Asking over and over if they’ll do well on a test or if their friends like them can indicate underlying anxiety.
8. Appearing “Too Good” or Overly Compliant
Many children with high-functioning anxiety are eager to please and avoid conflict. They may seem like the “perfect child” but often suppress their own needs or feelings to meet expectations.
Example: They may volunteer to help even when they’re tired or avoid expressing discomfort to avoid disappointing others.
9. Emotional Outbursts or Meltdowns
Although these children often appear calm or composed, their bottled-up anxiety can sometimes result in emotional outbursts, frustration, or tears.
Example: A minor incident, such as losing a favourite pencil, might trigger a disproportionate reaction like crying or yelling.
10. Difficulty Letting Go of Mistakes
Children with high-functioning anxiety may replay mistakes or perceived failures in their minds, struggling to forgive themselves or move on.
Example: Weeks after a minor mistake, they might still bring it up, expressing guilt or frustration over it.
How to Support a Child With High-Functioning Anxiety
1. Open the Lines of Communication
Encourage your child to talk about their worries without fear of judgment. Let them know it’s okay to feel anxious and that you’re there to help them navigate their emotions.
Example: Ask questions like, “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “Is there something that’s been worrying you?”
2. Teach Relaxation Techniques
Introduce calming strategies such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or visualisation exercises. These tools can help your child manage their anxiety in stressful situations.
Example: Teach them to take slow, deep breaths by inhaling through the nose for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling through the mouth for four.
3. Avoid Over-Reassurance
While it’s natural to comfort your child, too much reassurance can reinforce their reliance on external validation. Help them build confidence in their own abilities instead.
Example: Instead of saying, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” try, “What’s one thing you can do to feel more prepared?”
4. Encourage Healthy Routines
Regular sleep, balanced nutrition, and physical activity are essential for managing anxiety. Create predictable daily routines to help your child feel secure.
Example: Include a relaxing bedtime ritual like reading or stretching to help them unwind before sleep.
5. Focus on Effort, Not Perfection
Celebrate your child’s efforts and progress rather than just the outcomes. This helps them shift their focus from achieving perfection to valuing their hard work.
Example: Praise them with phrases like, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that project,” instead of, “You’re so smart for getting an A.”
6. Provide Gradual Exposure to Fears
Help your child face their fears in small, manageable steps. Gradual exposure can build their confidence and reduce avoidance behaviours.
Example: If they’re nervous about speaking in front of the class, start by practising at home, then in front of family, and eventually at school.
7. Seek Professional Help if Needed
If your child’s anxiety interferes with their daily life, consider consulting a mental health professional. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for managing anxiety.
Conclusion
High-functioning anxiety can be challenging to detect because children with it often appear well-adjusted on the surface. By recognising the signs and providing consistent support, you can help your child build resilience, manage their anxiety, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Remember, seeking professional guidance is always a valuable step when needed.
FAQs
1. What is the difference between high-functioning anxiety and generalised anxiety?
High-functioning anxiety involves managing outward appearances of success while struggling with inner anxiety, whereas generalised anxiety often causes visible disruptions in daily functioning.
2. Can high-functioning anxiety go away on its own?
Without support, high-functioning anxiety may persist or worsen. However, with proper strategies and guidance, children can learn to manage it effectively.
3. Are some children more prone to high-functioning anxiety?
Yes. Children with perfectionist tendencies, high expectations, or a family history of anxiety may be more likely to develop high-functioning anxiety.
4. How can I help my child without overwhelming them?
Focus on creating a supportive environment, avoid pressuring them, and encourage small steps to build their confidence. Celebrate progress without placing additional expectations.
5. Should I talk to my child’s teacher about their anxiety?
Yes, especially if their anxiety affects their school experience. Teachers can offer valuable insights and help create a supportive environment in the classroom.
