The question needs clarification. Firstly, no child ‘always’ destroys things. The question poses a question mark on the attitude of the parent asking such a question.
That aside, the next clarification must be what age or age range is this mythical destructor?
Let’s assume in the first place that the child in question is at a pre-school age child. In this case the actions of the child are not of destruction but of discovery. ‘What happens if I hit Mummy’s phone with this rock? ‘What happens if I push over this tower of bricks?’ ‘How will the people around me respond?’ The act of discovery, in whichever form it takes, is a necessary and important human developmental process.
Now if the child in question is of school age. Then their actions can be perceived as an act of fun. Yes, it can be very enjoyable wreaking something. And in many cases destruction is necessary for rebirth. Look around at the numerous buildings being demolished so that a new buildings can be constructed. Destruction isn’t always a negative action. It is often the case that something has to be dismantled to be repaired or improved. Again a child ‘destroying’ something is an act of understanding.
Lastly, if the child involved is a teenager, their action could be an act of rebellion. A cry for attention, obviously this can apply to any age. Seeking love and understanding isn’t something to view as ‘destructive’ it’s a positive quest for support and love. Our actions aren’t innate they are learnt.
On a more general note given the world that most children are born into, a world of perpetual war, famine, slaughter, fleeing, extinction and environmental ruination, I’m always amazed how positive and creative our children are.
But is the question really ,”How do I stop my child destroying things?” Love, unconditional and relentless love. Love your child no matter what they do or say. Your role as a parent is to unconditionally love your child.
Answered by Christopher Ayton, Author of Behaviour
