12 Things That Special Needs Mom Needs from You

12 Things That Special Needs Mom Needs from You - 4aKid

I am that special-needs mom. It’s not something I aspired to or wished for, but it is what I am all the same. I was the friend that gave. I dropped off the casseroles, offered to babysit, organized the fundraisers, gave a shoulder or listening ear, hosted the get-togethers. Now, I’m the friend that needs.

I was more comfortable helping that I am accepting help. It hurts to feel vulnerable. It’s lonely being the mom who is always just a bit on the outside of the discussions that other moms have. And yet, I am here. I am that special-needs mom.

I now need the village. I don’t know what I would do without my support network, those who have stood by me during the hardest years of my life. They have listened even when they haven’t understood. They have cried with me, prayed for me, and made sure that I still have the chance to laugh.

Some of them are special needs moms themselves, part of this sorority whose initiation we didn’t mean to take. Some of them are women who’ve never walked this road themselves but still chose to willingly come alongside and help carry some of the weight with me.

What That Special Needs Mom Needs From You:

Just be there.  When things get hard, people leave. She is lonely. She has already had people slowly back out of her life now that she is walking this road. Don’t be one of them.

Encourage without advice or judgment. Tell her that she’s doing a good job. Remind her that her instincts as a mom can be trusted. Support her decisions even if you don’t understand them.

Don’t ask, “have you tried xyz?” The message that can send is that there is more this mom could be doing. Believe me, she is exhausted enough already. She has tried so much already, only to be disappointed. The last thing she needs is another serving of guilt. She’s got enough of that to go around as it is.

Include her. When my special needs kids were younger and still super cute, I still got invited to the playdates and my kids got invited to the birthday parties. But as the kids got older and the differences became more apparent, the invitations grew less and less frequent.