Kungani Ukuba “Umzali Ozolile” Kubonakala Kungenakwenzeka

Why Being the “Calm Parent” Feels Impossible

Abazali abaningi baqala benenhloso yokuthula. Bacabanga ukuphendula ngesineke, bekhuluma ngobumnene, futhi beqondisa ukuziphatha ngaphandle kokuphakamisa amazwi abo. Lapho impilo yangempela ifika nomsindo, ukuphuthuma, ukungcola, nokumelana, lowo mbono uvame ukubhuntsha. Ukuthula kubukeka njengento abanye abazali abakwaziyo, hhayi into etholakalayo phakathi kwempilo yansuku zonke yomndeni.

Lokhu kugejana phakathi kwenhloso neqiniso kudala ihlazo. Abazali bayazibuza ukuthi kungani bengakwazi ukuhlala bezolile lapho benakekela kangaka futhi bazi ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani. Iqiniso liwukuthi ukuba umzali ozolile akusho ukwehluleka ngoba abazali benza okungafanele. Kuzwakala kungenakwenzeka ngoba izimo ezidingekayo ukuze kube nokuthula zivame ukungabi khona.

Ukuthula Kudinga Amandla, Hhayi Intando

Ukuthula kuvame ukuphathwa njengesici sobuntu noma ukukhetha kokuziphatha. Abazali batshelwa ukuba bazame kakhulu, baphefumule ngokujulile, noma balawule ukusabela kwabo kangcono. Okungavamile ukuvunywa ukuthi ukuthula kuncike emandleni ohlelo lwezinzwa, hhayi umzamo kuphela.

Lapho abazali bekhathele, bevuselelwe kakhulu, bexakekile, noma begcwele imizwa, uhlelo lwezinzwa alunaso isikhala esanele sokuhlala lulawuleka. Kulezi zimo, ukuthula kunzima ukukuthola ngokwemvelo. Ukulindela ukuthula ngaphandle kwamandla kubeka abazali enkingeni nasekuzisoleleni.

Ukuba Umzali Kwesimanje Kuvame Ukuqeda Ukuzilawula Njalo

Abazali banamuhla baphethe okungaphezu kwalokho izizukulwane ezidlule ezakwenza. Balawula umsebenzi, impilo yomndeni, umsebenzi wemizwa, izinto ezibonakalayo, ukukhathazeka ngokuphepha, nokwenza izinqumo njalo ngesikhathi esincane kakhulu sokuphumula.

Lokhu kufuna njalo kugcina uhlelo lwezinzwa lusebenza. Lapho kungekho isikhala sokuqala kabusha, ngisho nezinselele ezincane zingase zizwakale zikhungathekisa. Ukuthula kuba buthakathaka ngoba uhlelo seluvele lusebenza ngaphandle kokulinganiselwa.

Insumansumane Yokuthi Ukuthula Kusho Ukungahluleki Nakanye

Abazali abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi abazali abathule abazizwa benolaka, bekhungathekile, noma besabela kakhulu. Le nkolelo idala okulindelwe okungenakwenzeka.

Empeleni, abazali abathule basazwa imizwa enamandla. Umehluko awukho ekungabini koxinzelelo, kodwa ukuthi balulama futhi balungise ngokushesha kangakanani. Lapho abazali bekholelwa ukuthi ukuthula kusho ukuzola njalo, sonke isikhathi sokungalingani sizwakala njengokwehluleka.

Ukuthula akukona ukungabikho kokusabela. Kuyikhono lokubuyela ekuzilawuleni ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Kungani Ukuthula Kunyamalala Ezikhathini Zokucindezeleka Okukhulu

Ukuthula kuvame ukunyamalala phakathi kwezinguquko, ukungqubuzana, noma ukuphuthuma. Lezi zikhathi zivuselela ukusabela kokusinda ngoba zikhomba usongo nokulahlekelwa ukulawula.

Lapho ingane imelana, isikhathi sincane, noma okulindelwe kuphezulu, uhlelo lwezinzwa lushintshela kumodi yokusebenza. Ukucabanga kuyehla. Izwi liyenyuka. Umzimba ubeka phambili isivinini ngaphezu kokucabanga.

Lokhu akusho ukungabi namakhono obungazali. Yile ndlela ukusabela kokucindezeleka okusebenza ngayo.

Umsebenzi Wemizwa Wenza Ukuthula Kube Nzima Ukuwugcina

Abazali abaphathi nje ukuziphatha. Baphatha nemizwa, eyabo neyezingane zabo.

Ukubamba isikhala semizwa ngenkathi uhlala ulawuleka kudinga amandla emizwa. Lapho abazali sebekhathele, lo msebenzi wemizwa uba khungathekisayo. Ukuthula kuyanyamalala hhayi ngoba abazali bengakhathali, kodwa ngoba bathwele okuningi kakhulu.

Kungani Iseluleko Sokuthula Sivame Ukuzwakala Singafinyeleleki

Iseluleko mayelana nokuhlala uthule sivame ukuziba izimo zangempela zempilo. Iziphakamiso ezifana nokuthi “vele uhlale ulawuleka” noma “phendula ngobumnene” zicabanga ukuthi abazali banesikhathi, ukuphumula, nokwesekwa.

Lapho iseluleko singafani neqiniso, abazali benza leli gebe libe ukwehluleka kwabo siqu. Iseluleko ngokwaso siba omunye umthombo wengcindezi esikhundleni sokwesekwa.

Isiqondiso esiwusizo kufanele sinciphise ukucindezeleka, hhayi ukusengeza.

Ukuba Umzali Ozolile Kulula Ezindaweni Ezisekelwe

Ukuthula kulula lapho abazali besekelwa, bephumule, futhi bengenzi konke bodwa. Umphakathi, isibopho esabiwe, kanye nokulindelwe okungokoqobo konke kunomthelela ekuzilawuleni.

Ezindaweni ezinokusekelwa okuncane, ukucindezeleka kwezezimali, ukukhathazeka ngokuphepha, noma amashejuli angenakubikezelwa, ukuthula kuba nzima kakhulu ukukugcina. Lokhu akubonisi ikhono lokuba umzali. Kubonisa ingcindezi yendawo.

Kungani Ukuba “Ozolile” Kungase Kwandise Ukucindezeleka

Abanye abazali bathatha indima yomuntu ozolile emndenini. Bazilawula, bayaxazulula, futhi bamunca ukucindezeleka ukuze izinto zihambe kahle.

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, le ndima iyakhathaza. Ukuthula kuba ukucindezela esikhundleni sokuzilawula. Umzali ubonakala ezolile ngaphandle ngenkathi ethwele ukungezwani okukhulayo ngaphakathi.

Ekugcineni, lokho kungezwani kuyathola indlela yokuphuma.

Ukuthula Akunakugxiliswa Ngokuphoqelelwa Khona Manje

Lapho imizwa iphakeme, ukuthula akunakuyalelwa. Uhlelo lwezinzwa alunakuphikiswa ngenkathi lusesimweni sokuvikela.

Ukulindela izimpendulo ezithule phakathi kwenkathi enzima kuvame ukuholela ekudumazekeni. Ukuzilawula kufanele kwenzeke ngaphambi kokuba ukuziphatha okuzolile kube nokwenzeka.

Yingakho ukuvimbela kubaluleke ngaphezu kokulawula.

Yini Ngempela Eyenza Ukuthula Kube Nokwenzeka Kakhudlwana

Ukuthula kuba nokwenzeka kakhudlwana lapho ukucindezeleka okuyisisekelo kuncishiswa. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukwehlisa ijubane lempilo, ukwenza lula okulindelwe, nokuvikela ukuphumula noma kuphi lapho kungenzeka khona.

Kuhlanganisa futhi nokuqaphela izimpawu zokuqala zokulayisha ngokweqile nokuhlehla ngaphambi kokwanda. Ukuthula kuyakhula lapho abazali benesikhala esithe xaxa, hhayi lapho befuna okuningi kubo uqobo.

Ukuchaza Kabusha Ukuthula Ekubeni Umzali

Ukuthula akusho izimpendulo eziphelele noma amakhaya athule. Kusho ukuncipha kokwanda, ukulungiswa okusheshayo, nezikhathi eziningi zokuzinza ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Kusho ukuqaphela imikhawulo nokuphendula ngobubele esikhundleni sokugxeka. Ukuba umzali ozolile akukhona ngokungalahlekelwa ukulawula nakanye. Kumayelana nokwakha ikhono lokululama.

Indima Yokulungisa Lapho Ukuthula Kuphuka

Ngisho nangenhloso nokuqwashisa, ukuthula kuzophuka ngezinye izikhathi. Okubaluleke kakhulu ukulungisa.

Ukulungisa kubuyisela ukuphepha nokwethenjwa. Kubonisa izingane ukuthi ubuhlobo bungakwazi ukubhekana nokuphuka. Kunciphisa umthelela wezikhathi lapho ukuthula kungenakwenzeka khona.

Ukulungisa kubaluleke kakhulu kunokugcina isithombe sokuthula.

Kungani Ukuba Umzali Ozolile Kuqala Ngobubele Bokuzisola

Abazali abalindele ukuphelela bahlala bekhathazekile. Abazali abavumela ubuntu bakha isikhala sokuzilawula.

Ububele bokuzisola bunciphisa ukucindezeleka futhi kwandisa amandla. Kwenza ukuthula kufinyeleleke kakhudlwana ngokunciphisa ingcindezi yangaphakathi.

Ukuzenzela umusa akuhlukile ekubeni umzali ozolile. Kungumgogodla wako.

Ukuthula Kwakhiwa Ngaphandle Kwezikhathi Ezinzima

Izimpendulo ezithule zakhiwa isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba kuvele ukungqubuzana. Zakhiwa ngokuphumula, ukwesekwa, okulindelwe okungokoqobo, kanye nesibopho esabiwe.

Lapho abazali befaka isandla ekunciphiseni ingcindezi iyonke, ukuthula kuba nokwenzeka kakhudlwana phakathi kwezinselele. Lapho begxila kuphela ekusabeleni, ukuthula kuhlala kunzima ukukuthola.

Ukuba Umzali Ozolile Kuwumkhuba Wesikhathi Eside

Ukuthula akuyona into abazali abayifinyelela kanye bese beyigcina unomphela. Kuyashintshashintsha ngezinkathi zonyaka, ukucindezeleka, nokwesekwa.

Inqubekelaphambili ibukeka njengokuqaphela okubangela ngokushesha, ukukhuphuka okungavamile, nokulungisa ngempumelelo kakhudlwana. Lezi zinguquko zibaluleke kakhulu, noma ngabe ukuthula kusazwakala kungaphelele.

Kungani Ukuzizwa Unakwazi Ukuthula Kungasho Ukwehluleka

Ukuzizwa unakwazi ukuba umzali ozolile akusho ukuthi wenza okungafanele. Kusho ukuthi ubangazali ngaphansi kwengcindezi.

Ukuqonda lokhu kususa ihlazo futhi kuvula indlela yokushintsha. Ukuthula akuyona indinganiso abazali okufanele bayihlangabezane nayo. Kuyisimo esivela lapho izimo zikuvumela.

Imibuzo Ebuzwa Njalo Mayelana Nokuthi Kungani Ukuba “Umzali Ozolile” Kuzwakala Kungenakwenzeka

Kungani ngilahlekelwa ukuthula kwami ngisho noma ngazi kangcono?

Ngoba ulwazi alukuvimbi ukulayisha okweqile kohlelo lwezinzwa. Ukuthula kudinga amandla, hhayi inhloso kuphela.

Ingabe ukuzola kusho ukucindezela imizwa?

Cha. Ukuthula kuvela ekuzilawuleni, hhayi ekucindezeleni. Imizwa ecindezelwe ivame ukuphinde ivele kamuva.

Ingabe ukuba umzali ozolile kungasebenza emindenini enengcindezi?

Yebo, kodwa kudinga ukunciphisa ingcindezi nokwandisa ukwesekwa, hhayi ukulindela ukuphelela.

Ngingaba kanjani ozolile ngaphandle kokushintsha yonke into?

Izinguquko ezincane ezingeni, okulindelwe, kanye nobubele bokuzisola zingandisa kakhulu amandla.

Ingabe kuyingozi uma ingane yami ingibona ngilahlekelwa ukuthula kwami?

Cha, uma kulandela ukulungisa. Ukulungisa kufundisa ukubekezela nokuphepha ngokomzwelo.

Ingabe ukuthula kuyoke kuzwakale kulula?

Kungase kuzwakale kufinyeleleke kakhudlwana ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kodwa ukuthula kuyashintshashintsha. Lokho kujwayelekile.

Ukuba umzali ozolile kuzwakala kungenakwenzeka ngoba ukuthula akwakhiwa ngomzamo kuphela. Kuncike emandleni, ekwesekeni, nakokulindelwe okungokoqobo. Lapho abazali beyeka ukuzigxeka ngokuhluleka futhi beqala ukubhekana nengcindezi abangaphansi kwayo, ukuthula kuba okuncane ukuba yinto eyenziwayo futhi kube isimo esingokwemvelo esivela kaningi. Ukuba umzali ozolile akukhona ngokungasabeli nakanye. Kumayelana nokwakha izimo lapho ukuzilawula kunethuba lokubuyela khona.

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