Umeluleki wabazali nezemfundo, uClaire Marketos, we-Inspired Parenting eGoli, ukhulume nabazali abaningi abazame ukuzibamba. Uthole ukuthi ezimweni eziningi “kudala ukukhathazeka nokucindezeleka okwengeziwe kubo bobabili abazali nezinsana, okuphambene nalokho abazali abazama ukukufeza ngempela. Abazali abaningi bazwakalisa ukuthi bazizwa benecala kangakanani ngokweqa isidingo sabo esingokwemvelo sokunakekela ingane yabo. Abukho futhi ubufakazi besayensi noma ucwaningo olubonisa ukuthi ukukhala okulawulwayo kuyasebenza ngempela, futhi akuzilimazi izingane.”
Eqinisweni izindlela zika-Gina azisekelwe ebufakazini besayensi, kodwa kunalokho kulwazi lwakhe ngezingane ezingaphezu kuka-300.
UClaire uthi, “Ucwaningo lukaBells no-Ainsworth lukhombisa ukuthi izingane ezishiywa zikhala empeleni zigcina zikhala kakhulu kunezingane ezinakekelwa uma kuphela unyaka wokuqala. Ucwaningo lubonisa futhi ukuthi ngokubhekana nezidingo zosana, isibopho phakathi komzali nengane asiqini nje kuphela, kodwa futhi umntwana ufunda ezinye izindlela zokuxhumana ngaphandle kokukhala, futhi lokhu kukhuthaza ukukhula komzimba wosana.”
“Phakathi nonyaka wokuqala wokuphila, akunakwenzeka ukungayinaki ingane. Akunakwenzeka ukumosha ingane, ngakho yipha ukudla lapho ilambile futhi iphakamise lapho ikhala,” kusho udokotela wengqondo waseMelika, uDkt Justine duPlessis-Nelson. Uma usebenzisa ukunaka okukhethekile, uDkt duPlessis-Nelson uncoma ukuthi uzame indlela eqhubekayo, njengokulinda umzuzu owengeziwe njalo lapho ingane yakho imemeza usekamelweni.
UClaire uyanezela, “Ucwaningo lwezingane ezazinakekelwa izidingo zazo ezikhungweni zezintandane zibonisa ukuthi ubusana buyinkathi ebucayi nokuthi izingane eziswele kakhulu ziba nokubambezeleka kokukhula ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Nakuba ukushiya ingane yakho ikhala kungasho ukuswela okunzima, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuthi ukuntula izidingo kungase kuthinte ukukhula kwayo.”
Umbhali wokunakekela izingane, u-Tracy Hogg, owaziwa kangcono ngele-“The Baby Whisperer”, futhi ukholelwa ukuthi kufanele uzwele izidingo zengane yakho, uzibhekisise futhi uzilalele kanye nenqubo yakhe yemvelo, ethuthukayo. Ngale ndlela ungakwazi ukusungula isakhiwo sosuku lwakho, esibizwa ngokuthi KULULA (Ukudla, Umsebenzi, Ukulala kanye nesikhathi Sakho), esihlangabezana nezidingo zengane yakho nezakho.
Ukuze wakhe ishejuli yokulala lapho ingane yakho ilala khona, u-Tracy utusa indlela eqhubekayo yokulanda/yokuyibeka. Phakamisa ingane yakho lapho ikhala. Lapho nje eqinisekiswa futhi ezinzile, umbuyisele phansi embhedeni wakhe. Uma ekhala futhi, zama ukumbambatha uthi “Sh, sh, sh”. Uma esakhala, mphakamise futhi ukuze amqinise bese umbuyisela embhedeni wakhe. Lokhu kungaqhubeka imizuzu engu-20 kuze kube yilapho esezinzile.
Lapho unquma ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nokusungula isimiso esihleliwe noma semvelo, udinga ukucabangela iminyaka yokukhula kwengane yakho. Ngeke ukwazi ukusungula isimiso ngokushesha ngemva kokuzalwa. “Kuzothatha ingane yakho amasonto amathathu kuya kwayisithupha noma ngaphezulu ukujwayelana nephethini yokondla nokulala,” kwembula uDkt Miriam Stoppard, umbhali nochwepheshe bokunakekela izingane.
Kodwa uma usubhekane namasonto okuqala, kuthiwani?
UClaire uthi, “Izingane ezingaphansi kwezinyanga eziyisi-6 ubudala ziyashintshashintsha phakathi kwezimo zokuphaphama nokulala. Badla, balale, futhi bavuke lapho kudingeka. Bafikelwa yindlala nobuthongo. Akuyona into abanamandla phezu kwayo. Basabela ngendlela engokwemvelo ezidingweni zabo kanjalo nathi njengabazali. Kusukela cishe ezinyangeni eziyisi-6 ubudala, lapho ubuchopho sebufinyelele ekuvuthweni okuthile, baqala ukubonisa amaphethini okulala nokuphaphama futhi ngaleyo ndlela bathuthukise 'isimiso' sabo, ngokuvamile befuna ukudla ngaphambi kokuba balale. Ngokulandela isigqi nemijikelezo yemvelo yengane yakho uzoba ‘nesimiso’ esikufanelekela kangcono ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zakhe.”
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimiso somkhaya wakho sivela ngokwemvelo, noma uyasishukumisa, noma usigxilisa ngokuqinile, uClaire uthi uyakholelwa, “Njengoba izingane zikhula zidinga ukungaguquguquki nokubikezela, njengoba kuzenza zizizwe ziphephile futhi zivikelekile. Izingane zithanda ukwazi ngokuqiniseka okungu-100% okulindeleke kuzo ekhaya nasesikoleni.”
Uma usebenza noma unezingane ezingaphezu kweyodwa okumelwe uzinakekele, ukwakheka kanye nemingcele yesikhathi kubaluleke kakhulu, kodwa ngokwe-American Academy of Pediatrics, enye “yezinselele ezinkulu zomkhaya iwukusungula isimiso esinethezekile nesisebenzayo.” Miningi imizila yokufinyelela isimiso futhi kunezinhlobo eziningi ezahlukene zendlela yokwenza. Khetha indlela noma inhlanganisela yezindlela ezisebenzela wena nengane yakho. Landela umzwelo wakho futhi wenze lokho ozizwa kulungile, wena kanye nengane yakho.
