Ukuba nomntwana kuletha intokozo nesasasa, kanye nokwesaba okuthile mayelana nazo zonke izinguquko eziza nokufika komntwana. Eziningi zalezi zinguquko ziyalawuleka futhi zilindeleke—ukuqwasha ebusuku, ukushintsha kokugxilisa ingqondo komunye ukuya enganeni, nemisebenzi emisha, izindleko kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho ekuphileni. Nokho, kukho konke ukuzidela, ukulahlekelwa amahora obuthongo nokuphuthelwa ubusuku nabangane, umbhangqwana ngokuvamile uzizwa ubonga ngenhlanhla eye yanikezwa yona ekubeni abazali.
Nokho, njengakunoma yini ekuphileni, ukukhulisa izingane kungase kungahambi “ngokuvamile” noma ngokohlelo. Ngenkathi usalindele, cishe uzibona ngeso lengqondo izinyathelo zokuqala zengane yakho, amagama okuqala, ukumamatheka okukhulu okukhangayo kanye namagagasi okuvalelisa ebhasini lesikole. Kodwa lapho unengane enezidingo ezikhethekile, lo mhlaba oye waklanywa njengepulani ungase ungalokothi ufezeke. Ngokuvamile idinga ukubuyekezwa, ukucabanga kabusha nokwakhiwa kabusha.
Ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile ngokuvamile inezidingo ezinkulu kunezengane evamile ezingajwayelekile futhi ezingalindelekile kangako. Izidingo zomntwana zingase zithathe isikhathi namandla amaningi kunalokho ebesikulindele ekuqaleni, futhi ubunzima obulethayo ekuphileni nomshado womuntu ngokuvamile awukucabangeki.
U-Abraham Maslow, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esidumile, wasungula ithiyori ebizwa ngokuthi i-Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Inkolelo yakhe eyisisekelo yayisuka embonweni wokuthi kuphela lapho izidingo zethu eziyinhloko zisingathwa lapho singabhekana khona nezidingo ezisezingeni eliphakeme. Izidingo eziyinhloko izidingo zomzimba, njengesidingo sokudla, amanzi nokulala. Lezi yizidingo asizilungiseleli thina kuphela, kodwa nezingane zethu kusukela osukwini lwazo lokuqala lokuphila.
Okulandelayo, uMaslow ubhekisele ezidingweni zokuphepha. Lezi yizinsiza, njengezempilo, umndeni kanye nempahla. Lena indawo lapho amandla amaningi angase asetshenziswe lapho kubhekwana nezidingo zengane enezidingo ezikhethekile. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise ukuhlonza ochwepheshe, ukuhlolwa okwenziwayo, ukuhlela amashejuli ukuze kwenziwe isikhathi sokuqaliswa kwesevisi, ukucwaninga izikole ezifanele kanye nohlu luqhubeka. Inani lezibopho likhulu kakhulu kumzali wengane enezidingo ezikhethekile amavesi umzali wengane evame ukukhula.
Izinga elilandelayo kuhlelo lukaMaslow laziwa njengothando nokuba ngowakho, noma izidingo, ezihlanganisa ubungane, umndeni nokusondelana ngokocansi. Yilapho umshado uwela khona esivivaneni sempilo. Ngakho, uma kucatshangelwa ukuthi singakanani isikhathi namandla okumelwe kusetshenziswe ezidingweni zesigaba sesibili, naphezu kwezinhloso ezinhle zomzali, asikho isikhathi esiningi esisele sesigaba sesithathu noma umshado lapho unakekela ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile. Ngokuvamile, lokhu kunomthelela ezinkingeni nezingxabano imishado eba khona lapho umuntu enengane enezidingo ezikhethekile.
Umthelela wokuba nengane enezidingo ezikhethekile emshadweni wenziwa waba nzima nakakhulu ukuthi amadoda nabesifazane bangase bacubungule imizwelo ngendlela ehluke kakhulu. Ngokufanayo, lapho befunda ukuthi ingane inezidingo ezikhethekile, amadoda nabesifazane babhekana nesimo futhi babhekane naso ngezindlela ezihlukene nezivame ukungahambisani.
Ucwaningo lubeka izinga lesehlukaniso emindenini yezingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile ngaphezu komndeni wezingane ezikhula ngokujwayelekile. Nakuba amanani ehluka ocwaningweni oluhlukahlukene olwenziwe ngalokhu, kubonakala sengathi into ebaluleke kakhulu kubazali abanezidingo ezikhethekile zezingane ukudlula eminyakeni embalwa yokuqala yokungazinzi kanye nezinxushunxushu ngemva kokuxilongwa. Lokhu kunengqondo uma kucatshangelwa ukuthi lungakanani ushintsho nesiyaluyalu esingalindelekile esivame ukuhambisana nokuba nengane enezidingo ezikhethekile kanye nobunzima obubeka ohlelweni lomndeni.
Abazali kufanele balwele ubudlelwano babo ngezikhathi ezibucayi futhi bakhe amathuba okufinyelela emazingeni aphezulu ombuso kaMaslow. Lokhu kuvumela umshado ukuba ube usekelo phakathi nezikhathi ezinzima zokuba nengane enezidingo ezikhethekile futhi kusiza imibhangqwana ukuba ifinyelele injabulo yesikhathi eside. Ngempela, kubalulekile futhi ukucubungula ukudabuka ekukhuliseni nasekuvikeleni ubuhlobo bomshado.
Ucwaningo lwango-2002 mayelana nokwehluka kobulili kanye namasu okubhekana nawo lwathola ukuthi abesifazane bavame ukusebenzisa ukwesekwa komphakathi kanye nobudlelwano ukuze basize ekucubunguleni imizwa yabo kuyilapho amadoda ekwazi ukuphendukela ezintweni abazithandayo, njengezemidlalo. Lolu cwaningo luveze ukuthi umehluko omkhulu kakhulu osekuthambekeni kowesifazane ekufuneni ukwesekwa emphakathini nangokomzwelo nokugxila enkingeni ekubeni owesilisa ejwayele ukuyigwema. Lokhu kushiya isikhala esikhulu esingokomzwelo emshadweni njengoba abesifazane befuna ukwesekwa futhi abesilisa banomuzwa wokuthi kulula ukubhekana nakho ngokungalusukumeli ngokuqondile lolu daba.
Njengakunoma iyiphi indaba emshadweni, kubalulekile ukuba singahluleli indlela eyodwa njengelungile nengalungile. Amasu okubhekana nesimo akhona ngathi sonke ngoba abonakale ephumelela ekuhlangabezaneni nezidingo zethu ezingokomzwelo ngendlela ngamunye esizidinga ngayo. Kanjalo, ukuvikela umshado ngesikhathi esinzima kakhulu nesisengozini, njengokukhulisa ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile, bandakanya umlingani wakho.
Nawa amanye amathiphu awusizo okufanele uwacabangele endleleni.
- Chithani isikhathi ndawonye.
- Buza umlingani wakho ukuthi uzizwa kanjani esikhundleni sokuthi ucabange ukuthi uyazi noma uyayiqonda imizwa yomunye.
- Yiba nesineke kumlingani wakho.
- Yiba nokubekezelela indlela umlingani wakho angase acubungule ngayo ubuhlungu futhi uzame ukungahluleli.
- Cela usizo kunokuzama ukwenza yonke into uwedwa.
- Faka umlingani wakho endleleni ozizwa ngayo.
- Faka umlingani wakho kulokho okwaziyo.
- Gwema ukusola omunye umuntu.
- Cabangela umbono womunye umuntu.
- Thola ukwelulekwa uma kunesidingo.
Umthombo: http://www.parentguidenews.com/Articles/WhatsLoveGotToDoWithIt/
