"Kungokukhulu ukuzithoba ukuthi sizama ukuchaza ukuthi ikusasa likuphatheleni wena nomndeni wakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, sifuna ulungiselele ngangokunokwenzeka ukuze ukwazi ukuxoxisana ngezinselelo ezingase zilinde. umndeni wakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, siyaqaphela ukuthi ukuhlukahluka komuntu ngamunye kanye nokwehluka kuwumthetho lapho ingane inokukhubazeka. Abacwaningi bavame ukusekela abakutholile kudatha yeqembu—kwenzekani kubantu abaningi esimeni. Nokho, yini engase ibe elithi “iqiniso” ngomqondo wokucwaninga lingase lingabi yiqiniso nhlobo ngomkhaya wakho. Ngakho-ke, nakuba sithemba ukuthi lesi sihloko sizokuqondisa emithonjeni ewusizo, thatha engxoxweni yethu kuphela lokho okudingayo.”
Uhambo: Ukukhula Akupheli
"IZIMPILO ZETHU IYASHINTSHA FUTHI IYASISHINTSHA NGAPHEZU KOKULINDELEKILE."
“Angibukhohlwa ubuhlungu—bubuhlungu ngendlela ethile lapho ngibheka abangane bakaJessy (abangane bakhe abakhokhelwayo), abanye babo ontanga yakhe, bese ngizivumela isikhashana ngicabange ngakho konke angeke abe yikho. Kodwa ngeke sikwazi ukuba yikho. sefa okuhlangenwe nakho futhi uthathe ingxenye kuphela engasilimazi.Akekho umzali ofuna ingane yakhe igule, ikhubazeke, noma ilimaze nganoma iyiphi indlela.Akuwona okuhlangenwe nakho noma ubani alindele ukuba nakho, kunalokho, kuwuhambo oluwuhambo. Imindeni yasezindaweni okufanele ihambe kuzo ivamise ukubanzima ezindaweni.Nokho, imindeni eminingi iyakwazi ukuthola amandla ngaphakathi kwayo naphakathi kwemibuthano yayo yokwesekwa ukuze ikwazi ukubhekana nokusingatha ukucindezeleka nezinselele ezingase zihambisane nokugula kwengane noma Abazali abaningi baye bachaza intuthuko—kanye ne-pendulum—yemizwa ababa nayo lapho bezwa ukuthi ingane yabo iyagula noma ikhubazekile.
UPatty McGill Smith uthinte eminingi yale mizwelo esihlokweni sakhe—ukushaqeka, ukuphika, usizi, umuzwa wecala, intukuthelo, ukudideka. Uhlobo lwemizwa abazali ababhekana nayo, njengoba lushubile futhi lukhungathekisa ngangokunokwenzeka, luvamile futhi luyamukeleka. Ukuzinza kuyabuya, kumuntu ngamunye nasemndenini. Abazali baqala ukucinga ulwazi oludingekayo. Abaningi babika imizwa yokukhula komuntu siqu ngokuvamile, uma ubheka emuva, ibamangaza.
Omunye umama, ecabanga ngokuphila ngemva kokuzalwa komntwana onomgogodla kanye nokunye ukukhubazeka, uthi: Ngiye ngafunda, futhi ngakhula, kusukela ekuzalweni kukaDylan kunanoma yisiphi esinye isikhathi ekuphileni kwami. Ufunda ukubekezela, futhi uthola ukubona izimangaliso obungeke ube matasa kakhulu ukuba uziqaphele... Ufunda ukwamukela, uyabona ukuthi ube nephutha ukwahlulela, futhi ufunda ukuthi kukhona into ebizwa ngokuthi uthando olungenamibandela.
Kuhlanganiswe ndawonye, ukusikisela okuningi nokuqonda okunikezwa abazali abaye baphila iminyaka eminingi benokukhubazeka emkhayeni kunganikeza abazali abasanda kuthola ulwazi ngesiqondiso nokusekelwa okuningi. Ingxenye esele yalesi sihloko izochaza izindlela eziningi abazali abaye bazisiza ngazo bona nalabo ababathandayo ukuze bazivumelanise nokuphila nokunakekela ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile.”
Ukusekela Nokunika Umndeni Amandla:
"UYINHLIZIYO YOMNDENI"
“Ziningi izinto ezingaba nomthelela enhlalakahleni yomndeni. Esinye isici ngokuqinisekile impilo engokomzwelo nengokomzimba yabazali. Nina, njengabazali, niyinhliziyo yomndeni. Nina enisingatha izinkinga ezihlobene nokukhubazeka kwengane yenu—odokotela, abanakekeli bezingane, amalungu omndeni, isikole somntanakho, ochwepheshe abasebenza nengane yakho. Unakekela nomkhaya—usebenza ukuze ukhokhe izikweletu, uyothenga, upheke, uhlanze, unakekele ezinye izingane. Kuyamangaza yini ukuthi abazali abaningi bezingane ezikhubazekile babika izikhathi zokuzizwa bekhungathekile? Ngakho-ke, kubaluleke kakhulu kinina, njengabazali, ukuba nizinike isikhathi sokuzinakekela njengabantu ngabanye: ukulala ngokwanele, ukudla okuvamile, ukuthatha uhambo olufushane, nokwenza izinto enizijabulela ngempela, ngisho noma ningakwazi nje ukwenza kanjalo. bawakhame ngezinye izikhathi. Njengoba omunye umama elandisa: Ngezinye izikhathi ngangihlehlela “embhoshongweni” wami futhi ngenze sengathi anginawo umthwalo wemfanelo ngaphandle kokuzijabulisa ngencwadi emnandi noma iteyipu epholile. Ukuphumula ngokuvamile akuzange kuthathe isikhathi esingaphezu kwesigamu sehora, futhi kwakunganele, kodwa kwangisiza ngeqa indlela “yomfel’ ukholo” yokucabanga ukuthi kwakudingeka ngiphile futhi ngiphefumule izingane zami kuphela. Kulezo zikhathi ezimfushane zokuzindla ngikwazi ukuvuselela umuzwa wami wobumina futhi ngikhumbule ukuthi nami ngangibalulekile; ukuthi nganginguKate, umuntu, onamakhono nezithakazelo eziningi ezazingaqondani zonke indima yami njengoMama. Ngaqaphela ukuthi ubugovu obuncane abuyona into embi. Uma ngikwazi ukuzijabulisa okwengeziwe, ngingajabulela izingane zami ngokwengeziwe.
Imikhaya eminingi iyoba imikhaya enomzali oyedwa, kodwa kulabo abangabodwa, ubuhlobo phakathi kwabazali buyisici esingathonya inhlalakahle yomkhaya. Lapho ubuhlobo babazali buqinile futhi busekela, buthuthukisa ukuphila komkhaya kuwo wonke amalungu. Ngokuphambene, lapho kunezinkinga ebudlelwaneni, ukungezwani kuthinta nawo wonke umkhaya. Lokhu kusho lokho iningi lethu eselikwazi—ukuthi imishado iyashintsha lapho kuzalwa ingane, noma iyiphi ingane. Kodwa lapho umntwana emkhayeni enezidingo ezikhethekile, lolu shintsho lungase lube lukhulu nakakhulu. Njengoba uKelly Harland ekubeka, “[H] kwenzeka ngokungalindelekile konke okwenzekayo. Ngomzuzwana owodwa, wena nesithandwa sakho nicula kanye ngesiNtaliyane esibi nabantu baseVenetians endaweni ephithizelayo...iwayini elibomvu eliphuma ngaphandle. Ngomzuzu olandelayo, nobabili nigcwalisela indodana yenu encane amafomu okukhubazeka.”
Izincwadi eziningi ezibhalwe abazali zikhuluma ngezindlela abazali abangavikela ngazo ubuhlobo babo. Iphuzu elilodwa livela ngokuphindaphindiwe, futhi lokho ukubaluleka kokwenza isikhathi somunye nomunye: ukuhlangana ngesidlo sasemini, ukuhamba amahora ambalwa ndawonye, ukwabelana ngomsebenzi othile. Ukuxoxa nokulalela ngempela nakho kubalulekile—futhi izingxoxo akudingekile ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuba zigxile ezinganeni zomkhaya. Ukuthola ezinye izihloko ongaxoxa ngazo kungenza lukhulu ekuvuseleleni abazali nokulondoloza ukusondelana phakathi kwabo.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuqaphela ukuthi kunezikhathi lapho umlingani oyedwa kudingeka abe nesikhala. Njengoba omunye umzali ekubeka, “Qaphela ukuthi awubhekane nalokhu kucindezeleka ngendlela efanayo nomngane wakho womshado. Vumela oshade naye abhekane nayo ngendlela yakhe, futhi uzame ukuqonda ukungezwani kwenu.” Omunye umzali uyaphawula, “Kulezi zikhathi zesizungu, isipho esikhulu kunazo zonke sasiwukuvumela omunye abe khona.”
Ukwabelana ngemisebenzi yokuhlinzeka ngokunakekelwa nakho kuyadingeka, nakuba imibhangqwana ibika ukuthi ngokuvamile kufanele isebenze kanzima ekukhulumisaneni ukuze ifinyelele “ukuthi-thina” okuba ngemva kokubambisana. Abazali abaningi bakuthole kudingekile futhi kuyasiza ukufuna ukwelulekwa ngokuhlanganyela. Ngale nqubo, bakhula beqonda izidingo zomunye nomunye kanye nezinto ezibakhathazayo ngokugcwele futhi bathola izindlela zokuxoxisana nokuxazulula ukungezwani kwabo. Njengoba omunye umzali esho, “Siqondisa umkhumbi onamatshe, mina nomyeni wami...Kuye kwadingeka ukuthi sibonane nomelaphi, ngezinye izikhathi kanye ngonyaka, ngezinye izikhathi kanye ngesonto. Sike sabhekana nebanga elinzima phakathi komunye nomunye ngezikhathi ezithile, njengoba i-Will kubo bonke ubunzima bayo ithatha umzuzwana ngamunye wezimpilo zethu. Sisalindile nokho. Izinhliziyo zethu ziboshelwe okuthile okujule ngisho nangaphezu kothando.”
INGANE YAKHO ENEZIDINGO EZIKHETHEKILE
“Iningi lendlela oyikhulisa ngayo ingane yakho ekhubazekile izoncika ezinkolelweni zomndeni wakho mayelana nokukhulisa izingane, iminyaka yengane yakho, kanye nesimo sokukhubazeka kwayo. Iphuzu elibalulekile okufanele likhunjulwe ukuthi izinkinga eziningi ezivamile zokukhulisa izingane zizosebenza—izingane ezikhubazekile zizodlula ezigabeni ezivamile zobuntwana. Bangase bangadluleli ezigabeni ngeminyaka efanayo, ngezinga elifanayo, noma basebenzise amagama afanayo nawezingane ezingenakukhubazeka, kodwa ziyizingane futhi izingane ziyizingane.
Thina, njengabazali, singase sikholelwe ukuthi zonke izingane kufanele ziphathwe ngendlela efanayo, kodwa empeleni akunjalo. Kungani? Ngoba noma ubani oke waba nezingane, ngisho nezinsana, uyazi ukuthi banobuntu obuhlukile futhi basabela ngendlela ehlukile ezimweni ezifanayo. Siyayikhuthaza futhi siyayincenga ingane enamahloni futhi siyibekela imingcele ye-rambunctious. Sithi abanomsindo bathule nabathule bakhulume. Sinikeza imisebenzi ehlukene enganeni ethanda ukudweba kunaleyo efuna ukudlala ibhola.
Izingane azifani—kodwa kufanele zibe namathuba afanayo. Phakathi kwamathuba abo kufanele kube nethuba lokuthatha amazinga akhulayo omthwalo wemfanelo kanye nokuzimela. Kungase kube nezindlela eziningi ingane yakho engazisiza ngazo yona noma amanye amalungu omkhaya, kuhlanganise nokwenza imisebenzi yasekhaya. Kuzodingeka ucabange ukuthi le misebenzi ingaba yini, uma kubhekwa ukukhubazeka kwendodana noma indodakazi yakho. Njengoba ulindele futhi ukhuthaza ingane yakho ukuba ithwale umthwalo wemfanelo, umuzwa wayo wokuziqhenya nekhono nawo uzokhula. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukungalindeli noma ukukhuthaza ingane yakho ukuthi ifake isandla ekuzinakekeleni yona noma ezindabeni zasekhaya kungase kuthumele umyalezo wokuthi ayikwazi ukusiza. Ukuncika kuyakhuthazwa esikhundleni salokho. Njengoba omunye umama ephikelela, “Myeke azenzele izinto. Ungamtwana. Umkhwe wami waphawula indlela uChrissy asebenzisa ngayo abantu kahle kakhulu...[Amazwana] athi, 'Mfana, wayengeke ahambe ndawo uma engathola umuntu ozomthwala yonke indawo.' Yebo. Yingakho singamthwali!”
Yiqiniso, uhlobo nobukhulu bokukhubazeka kwengane yakho kungase kuthinte indlela ekwazi ngayo ukuhlanganyela emisebenzini yasekhaya nokunye. UPeggy Finston uyaphawula: Khona-ke, inkinga kulowo nalowo kithi ukuthi liyini inani “elingokoqobo” lokujwayelekile okufanele sililindele enganeni yethu? Uma silindele okukhulu kakhulu, sizifaka engozini yokumlahla njengoba enjalo. Uma silindele okuncane kakhulu, siyohluleka ukumkhuthaza ukuba enze konke okusemandleni akhe. Ayikho impendulo yethu sonke, noma eyethu sonke esibhekene nesimo esifanayo. Okungcono kakhulu esingakwenza ukuqaphela ukuthi lo ngumbuzo oqhubekayo okufanele siwucabangele.
Enye inkinga engase ikukhathaze ukuthi (noma) ungayitshela yini ingane yakho ngokukhubazeka kwayo. Njengezingane zakini, ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile ingase ibe nesidingo sokwaziswa nombono mayelana nokuthi yini eyenza ihluke. Manje ukwanga kwami kuyaqina, kusondele. Ngizwa umoya wami ezinweleni zakhe ezipotoke. "Ngabe uke uzibuze ukuthi kungani wesaba kangaka lapho into iphuma eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, kungani ikucasula kangaka?" Uyahogela. “Yebo.” Ngiyangabaza. Ngizizwa ngifudumala ngendlela emangalisayo. Angikaze ngifune ukwethula ingane yami ilebula edalelwe omunye umuntu. Nokho ingqondo yemvelo ingitshela ukuthi ingase imsize....
Lena yindlela uKelly Harland ayichaza ngayo ingxoxo aba nayo nendodana yakhe lapho eyitshela ngokukhubazeka kwayo, i-autism. Futhi manje usalokhu. Usethule. Ulalele. ...Futhi ngithule, ngizama ukucabanga ukuthi kufanele ngiye kuphi ngokulandelayo. Mhlawumbe nginephutha. Mhlawumbe kwakungafanele ngisebenzise lelo gama. Kodwa ukuxhamazela okuyinqaba kuza phezu kwami. Kuzwakala sengathi, ngalokhu kuvivinya emuva naphambili, siphahlazeke ku-floodgate....Ubesazi isikhashana ukuthi unenkinga; uselinde umama wakhe ukuthi amchazele? Kukhona kuyo yonke le nkulumo okuthize okumele sibambelele kukho sobabili, mhlawumbe kulo mzuzu owodwa indlela yokuqeda ukwesaba, noma siphakame ngaphezu kwakho.
Njengoba ingane yakho ikhula futhi ikhula futhi ikakhulukazi njengoba ifinyelela ebusheni bakhe. kungase kumsize kakhulu ukuba akwazi ukuxoxa ngesimo sokukhubazeka. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukuthi yiziphi izindawo zokulala ezikhethekile azidingayo ukuze aphumelele esikoleni nakwezinye izilungiselelo. Ungase ufise ukubandakanya ingane yakho emhlanganweni wayo we-IEP, ongafundisa ingane yakho amakhono awusizo njengokuzimela, ukuveza izithakazelo zomuntu siqu kanye nemigomo, nokubamba iqhaza ekwenzeni izinqumo ezithinta ukuphila kwayo. Eqinisweni, ngokomthetho, noma nini lapho kuzoxoxwa ngenguquko yengane yakho ekuphileni ngemva kokufunda esikoleni esiphakeme."
BAFOWETHU NODADEWETHU
"Siyazi ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwemindeni kanye nokutholakele ocwaningweni ukuthi ukuba nengane ekhubazekile kuthinta kakhulu wonke umuntu emndenini . Lokhu kufaka phakathi abafowabo nodadewabo baleyo ngane. Ababhali nabacwaningi abaningi babhale ngobugagu mayelana nokuthi ukuba khona kokukhubazeka kuyithinta kanjani ingane yakini ngayinye, kanye nobudlelwano phakathi kwezelamani. Umthelela, ngokusho kwezelamani ngokwazo, uyahluka kakhulu kumuntu nomuntu. Nokho kukhona imicu evamile ehamba ngezindaba zabo.
Kwabaningi, okuhlangenwe nakho kuyakha, kuyacebisa okubafundisa ukwamukela abanye abantu njengoba benjalo. Abanye bahileleka ngokujulile ekusizeni abazali banakekele ingane ekhubazekile. Akuvamile ukuba izingane zakini zibe abavikeli abashisekayo nabasekeli bomfowabo noma udadewabo abanezidingo ezikhethekile noma zibe nemizwa yenjabulo enkulu ngokumbuka ezuza ngisho nenzuzo encane yokufunda noma yokuthuthuka. UMegan, oneminyaka engu-17, uthi ngokuphila kwakhe nomfowabo one-Down syndrome: Nsuku zonke u-Andy ungifundisa ukuthi ngingalilahli ithemba. Uyazi ukuthi uhlukile, kodwa akagxili kulokho. Akapheli mandla, njalo uma ngimbona edonsa kanzima, ngizenza ngisebenze kakhulu...angazi bengizokwenzenjani ngaphandle kuka-Andy. Washintsha impilo yami...Ukube angikhulanga naye, ngabe nginokuqonda okuncane, ukubekezela, nozwelo kubantu. Uyasikhombisa ukuthi noma ubani angenza noma yini.
Ngokuphambene, izingane zakini eziningi ziba nemizwa yokucasukela nokucasukela abazali bazo noma umfowabo noma udadewabo onokukhubazeka. Bangase babe nomona, benganakiwe, noma benqatshiwe njengoba bebuka iningi lamandla abazali babo, ukunaka, imali, nokusekelwa okungokwengqondo kugeleza enganeni enezidingo ezikhethekile. Njengoba u-Angela, oneminyaka engu-8, ekubeka, “[T] nazi izikhathi lapho ngihlala phansi ngicabange, ‘Akulungile!’”
Futhi izingane zakini eziningi zishintshashintsha phakathi kwemizwelo eyakhayo nengalungile. UHelen, oneminyaka engu-10, onodadewabo onokukhubazeka okukhulu kwengqondo nokuquleka, uqala ngokuthi uyajabula ngokuba nodade onezidingo ezikhethekile. "Kungivule amehlo emhlabeni wabantu ebengingeke ngazi ngabo." Kodwa futhi uthi, “Ngezinye izikhathi ngifisa sengathi ngabe nginezidingo ezikhethekile. Ngicabanga lokho kakhulu lapho uMartha ecasuka futhi ecasuka futhi akekho noyedwa ocabanga ngami.” Bese kuthi ekuphefumuleni okulandelayo, uHelen uthi, “Enye into ukuthi kuyangicasula ngempela lapho izingane zishaya isifuba ngezandla zazo bese zithi, 'Ngiyisilima!' Kwangicasula kakhulu!”
Ukusabela nokulungiswa kwezelamani kumfowenu noma udade okhubazekile nakho kungase kuhluke kuye ngeminyaka yazo namazinga okuthuthuka. Lapho ingane yakubo engakhubazekile isencane, kungase kube nzima kakhulu kuyo ukuqonda isimo futhi ichaze izenzakalo ngendlela engokoqobo. Izingane ezincane zingase zidideke ngohlobo lokukhubazeka, okuhlanganisa nokuthi yini ebangele lokho. Bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi bona ngokwabo banecala noma bangase bakhathazeke “ngokubamba” ukukhubazeka. Njengoba izingane zakini zikhula, ukuqonda kwazo ngokukhubazeka nakho kuyakhula, kodwa kungase kuvele izinto ezintsha ezikhathazayo. Bangase bakhathazeke ngekusasa lomfowabo noma udadewabo, ngokuthi ontanga bazosabela kanjani kumfowabo noma ngokuthi bona ngokwabo bangakudlulisela yini ukukhubazeka ezinganeni zabo.
Ngokusobala, kubalulekile ukuba uzinike isikhathi sokukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngokukhubazeka kwengane yakho nezinye izingane zakho, ukuchaze ngokusemandleni akho ngamazwi afaneleka ngokwezinga lokukhula kwengane ngayinye. Njengoba uRobert Naseef ephawula, “Njengoba nje abazali bedinga ulwazi, kanjalo nezingane zakubo, ngezinga labo.” Uma ukhathazekile ngezindaba zezingane zakini, funa izinsiza ezingakusiza uvule imigudu yokuxhumana futhi ubhekane nezidingo zezingane zakho ezingakhubazekile. Ungathola futhi ukuthi kukhona iqembu lokusekela elitholakalayo ezinganeni zakho, elinganikeza “indawo enhle kakhulu” yokuba izingane zakini zikwazi ukwabelana ngemizwa yazo nabanye abasesimweni esifanayo. I-inthanethi iphinde inikeze ithuba lokuxhumana nokwabelana."
OGOGO (KANYE NOMNDENI WONKE)
“Ogogo nomkhulu bavamise ukuthinteka kakhulu ngokuzalwa kwengane ekhubazekile. “Babhekene nosizi oluphindiwe lokukhubazeka komzukulu wabo kanye nobuhlungu bengane yabo.” Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi bazodinga ukwesekwa nolwazi, nabo. (Lokhu kuyiqiniso nakwamanye amalungu omndeni.)
Ngakho-ke, abazali bakho namanye amalungu omndeni omkhulu badinga ukunikwa amathuba okwazi ingane yakho njengomuntu hhayi nje umuntu okhubazekile. Zisize ziqonde amandla nezidingo zengane yakho, zisize ukuba zimamukele njengengxenye yomkhaya. Ukuvumela amalungu omndeni ukuba ahileleke nengane yakho kungase futhi kukunikeze isikhathi osidinga kakhulu kude nemithwalo yemfanelo ehlobene nokunakekela ingane enezidingo ezikhethekile.”
UKUSEBENZA NOMAZI
"Eminyakeni engaphezu kweshumi edlule, umzali uCory Moore, ekhuluma ngqo nochwepheshe, wabhala: Sidinga inhlonipho, sidinga ukuhlonishwa kwegalelo lethu. Kudingeka sihlanganyele, hhayi nje ukuhileleka. Phela umzali owayazi ingane kuqala nowazi kangcono ingane. Ubuhlobo bethu namadodana namadodakazi ethu bobomuntu siqu futhi buthatha impilo yonke.
Lo muzwa unanela kuzo zonke izincwadi zabazali nasezinhliziyweni zabazali yonke indawo. Akumangazi ukuthi izinto eziningi ezibhalwa abazali ezibhalelwe abanye abazali zinikeza ukuqonda kokuthi ungasebenzisa kanjani ndawonye nezingcweti ukuze kuzuze ingane yakho nomndeni wakho. Ubudlelwano obuhle kakhulu bubonakala ngokuhloniphana, ukwethembana, nokuvuleleka, lapho nobabili wena nolwazi oluqeqeshiwe nicobelelana ngolwazi nemibono mayelana nokunakekelwa okungcono kakhulu, ukungenelela kwezokwelapha, noma uhlelo lokufundisa lwengane yakho.
Nobabili wena nochwepheshe nidinga ukukhuluma ngokucacile ngezindaba futhi nilalelisise. Ngempela, nobabili ninolwazi olubalulekile eningabelana ngalo. Wena, ngokwesibonelo, unolwazi olujulile ngengane yakho enezidingo ezikhethekile. Uhlala futhi ubheka indodana noma indodakazi yakho nsuku zonke futhi unganikela ngolwazi olubalulekile mayelana nenqubo yakhe, intuthuko, umlando, amandla, izidingo, njalonjalo.
Uchwepheshe, naye, unolwazi olukhethekile lokufaka isandla-lolo lwesiyalo sakhe. Ngokuvamile kufanele uthembele ekwahluleleni kochwepheshe ezindabeni ezibalulekile enhlalakahleni yengane yakho. Ngakho-ke, kufanele kube nokuhambisana ebudlelwaneni bomzali/nomsebenzi. Lokhu kungathatha isikhathi ukuthuthukisa futhi kungase kudinge umzamo wezinhlangothi zombili. Ukuze kube njalo, ababhali abaningi babazali basikisela:
• Uma ufuna uchwepheshe ongasebenza naye kahle, buza abanye abazali abanezingane ezikhubazekile. Ngokuvamile, bangakwazi ukutusa umelaphi okahle wokukhuluma noma womzimba, udokotela, udokotela wamazinyo, noma udokotela ohlinzayo.
• Uma ungawaqondi amagama asetshenziswa uchwepheshe, buza imibuzo. Yithi, “Uqonde ukuthini ngalokho? Asiqondi.”
• Uma kunesidingo, bhala phansi izimpendulo zochwepheshe. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu ezimweni zezokwelapha lapho umuthi noma ukwelashwa kufanele kunikezwe.
• Funda okuningi ngangokunokwenzeka ngokukhubazeka kwengane yakho. Lokhu kuzokusiza ngengane yakho, futhi kungakusiza ukuthi ubambe iqhaza ngokugcwele enqubweni yeqembu.
• Lungiselela ukuvakashela udokotela, umelaphi, noma isikole ngokubhala phansi uhlu lwemibuzo noma okukukhathazayo ongathanda ukuxoxa ngakho nochwepheshe.
• Gcina incwajana obhala kuyo imininingwane ephathelene nezidingo ezikhethekile zengane yakho. Lokhu kungafaka umlando wezokwelapha wengane yakho, imiphumela yokuhlolwa, ukuqaphela mayelana nokuziphatha noma izimpawu ezizosiza uchwepheshe enze umsebenzi wakhe, nokunye. (Inothibhukwana enamaqabunga kulula ukuyinakekela nokwengeza ulwazi kuyo.)
• Uma ungavumelani nezincomo zochwepheshe, yisho kanjalo. Cacisa ngendlela ongakwazi ngayo mayelana nokuthi kungani ungavumi.
• Yenza noma yini edingekayo “yokuthenga” unolwazi oludingekayo ukuze uthole udokotela ozaziyo izidingo zengane yakho, ozimisele ukusebenza ngokubambisana nabanye ochwepheshe bezokwelapha, futhi ozizwa ukhululekile naye.
• Linganisa izincomo zochwepheshe zezinhlelo zokwelapha ekhaya noma okunye ukungenelela ngokumelene nesimiso sakho, izimali, kanye nezinye izibopho. Ungase ungakwazi ukulandela zonke iseluleko noma ukuthatha enye into, uzizwa njengoHelen Featherstone lapho ebhala, “Yini okufanele ngiyiyeke?...Asikho isikhathi empilweni yami esingakakhulunywa. ngoba, futhi kuyo yonke imisebenzi yemizuzu eyishumi nanhlanu eyenezelwe, kufanele isuswe.”
"Ekuphetheni, kubalulekile ukuthi ubudlelwano bomzali/nomsebenzi bunike umzali amandla okuba abambe iqhaza ngokugcwele ekuqoqweni kolwazi, ekwabelaneni ngolwazi nasekuthathweni kwezinqumo. UPeggy Finston uveza ukuthi “iningi lochwepheshe ngeke libajwayele. isamba sezibopho zethu futhi ngeke bakuthathele bona imvume yokuyeka. Lokhu kukithi. Kusemandleni ethu ukwenza isinqumo.” Kodwa-ke, ekugcineni kukuwe ukuthi unqume ukuthi iyiphi indima ofuna ukuyibamba kulolu hlelo nokuthi iyiphi indima odinga usizo ngayo. Kuyasiza ukwazi ukuthi imindeni iyakhetha ngempela izindima ezihlukene kubudlelwano Abanye abazali bafuna ukuvumela ochwepheshe ukuba benze izinqumo eziningi mayelana nengane yabo, abanye bafuna ukusebenza njengempimpi kochwepheshe, abanye bafuna amandla e-veto, kanti abanye abazali bafuna indima eyabiwe ekungeneleleni kwengane yabo.
Ukhululekile futhi ukushintsha umqondo wakho mayelana nendima noma izinga lokubandakanyeka ongase ukufune noma ongakwazi ukukuthatha mayelana nezinkonzo zengane yakho. Ungathola ukuthi ukhetha izindima ezihlukene ngezikhathi ezahlukene ngezinjongo ezahlukene. Hlanganyela ngangokunokwenzeka ngalokho okufunayo noma ongafuni ukukwenza mayelana nalokhu."
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