Uma usanda kufunda ukuthi ingane yakho ibambezeleke ekukhuleni noma inokukhubazeka (okungase kuchazwe noma kungachazwa ngokuphelele), lo mlayezo ungaba ngowakho. Ibhalwe ngokombono womuntu siqu womzali owabelane ngalokhu nakho nakho konke okuhambisana nakho. Lapho abazali befunda nganoma ibuphi ubunzima noma inkinga ekukhuleni kwengane yabo, lokhu kwaziswa kuza njengegalelo elikhulu. Ngosuku okwatholakala ngalo ukuthi ingane yami ikhubazekile, ngakhungatheka—futhi ngididekile kangangokuthi akukho okunye engikukhumbulayo ngalezo zinsuku zokuqala ngaphandle kobuhlungu benhliziyo. Omunye umzali uchaze lesi sigameko ngokuthi “isaka elimnyama” elidonswa phezu kwekhanda lakhe, livimbe ikhono lakhe lokuzwa, ukubona, nokucabanga ngendlela evamile. Omunye umzali wachaza lokhu kuhlukumezeka “njengokubhajwa kommese” enhliziyweni yakhe. Mhlawumbe lezi zincazelo zibonakala zimangalisa, nokho kuye kwaba okuhlangenwe nakho kwami ukuthi zingase zingachazi ngokwanele imizwa eminingi egcwala ezingqondweni nasezinhliziyweni zabazali lapho bethola noma yiziphi izindaba ezimbi ngengane yabo.
Ukusabela Okujwayelekile
Lapho bezwa ukuthi ingane yabo ingase ikhubazekile, abazali abaningi basabela ngezindlela eziye zahlanganyelwa yibo bonke abazali ngaphambi kwabo nabo abaye babhekana nalokhu kudumazeka nale nselele enkulu.
- Okunye kokusabela kokuqala ukuphika— “Lokhu ngeke kwenzeke kimi, enganeni yami, emkhayeni wethu.” Ukuphika kuhlangana ngokushesha nentukuthelo, okungenzeka iqondiswe kubasebenzi bezokwelapha ababehilelekile ekunikezeni ulwazi olumayelana nenkinga yengane. Intukuthelo ingenza futhi ukukhulumisana phakathi kwendoda nomkayo noma nogogo nomkhulu noma abanye ababalulekile emkhayeni. Ekuqaleni, kubonakala sengathi intukuthelo inamandla kangangokuthi ithinta cishe wonke umuntu, ngoba ibangelwa imizwa yosizi nokulahlekelwa okungaqondakali ukuthi umuntu angakuchaza kanjani noma ukubhekana nakho.
- Ukwesaba kungenye impendulo esheshayo. Abantu bavame ukwesaba okungaziwa ngaphezu kokwesaba okwaziwayo. Ukuthola ukuxilongwa okuphelele nolwazi oluthile lwamathemba ekusasa lomntwana kungaba lula kunokungaqiniseki. Nokho, kunoma yikuphi, ukwesaba ikusasa kuwumzwelo ovamile: “Kuzokwenzekani kulo mntwana lapho eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala, lapho eneminyaka eyishumi nambili, lapho eneminyaka engamashumi amabili nanye? Kuzokwenzekani ngale ngane uma ngingasekho?" Khona-ke kuphakama eminye imibuzo: “Ingabe uyoke afunde? Ingabe uyoke aye ekolishi? Ingabe uzoba namandla okuthanda nokuphila nokuhleka nokwenza zonke izinto ebesizihlelile?”
Okunye okungaziwa nakho kubangela ukwesaba. Abazali besaba ukuthi isimo somntwana sizoba sibi kakhulu. Phakathi neminyaka edlule, ngiye ngakhuluma nabazali abaningi ababethi imicabango yabo yokuqala yayifiphele ngokuphelele. Umuntu ulindele okubi kakhulu. Izinkumbulo ezibuyayo zabantu abakhubazekile umuntu azazi. Kwesinye isikhathi kuba necala eminyakeni ethile eyenzeke kancane kumuntu onokukhubazeka. Kunokwesaba futhi ukulahlwa umphakathi, ukwesaba ukuthi abafowethu nodadewethu bazothinteka kanjani, kunemibuzo yokuthi bangabe besaba khona yini abazalwane noma odade kulo mkhaya, nokukhathazeka ngokuthi indoda noma inkosikazi izoyithanda yini le ngane. Lokhu kwesaba kungase kucishe kuvimbe abanye abazali.
- Khona-ke kuba necala —umuzwa wecala nokukhathazeka ngokuthi abazali ngokwabo baye babangela inkinga yini: “Ingabe kukhona engikwenzile ukuze ngibangele lokhu? Ngabe ngijeziselwa into engiyenzile? Ngazinakekela ngikhulelwe? Ingabe umkami wayezinakekela ngokwanele ngesikhathi ekhulelwe?” Ngokwami, ngikhumbula ngicabanga ukuthi ngokuqinisekile indodakazi yami yashibilika embhedeni isencane kakhulu futhi yashaya ikhanda layo, noma ukuthi mhlawumbe omunye wabafowabo noma udadewabo wayidedela yawa phansi ngokungazi futhi wangangitshela. Ukuzihlambalaza nokuzisola okuningi kungabangelwa ukungabaza izimbangela zokukhubazeka.
Imizwa yecala ingase futhi ibonakale ekuchazeni ukusola nesijeziso ngokomoya nangokwenkolo. Lapho bekhala, “Kungani mina?” noma “Kungani ingane yami?”, abazali abaningi nabo bathi, “Kungani uNkulunkulu engenze lokhu?” Kukangaki siphakamisela amehlo ethu ezulwini futhi sibuze: “Yini engake ngayenza ukuze ngifanelekele lokhu?” Omunye umama osemusha wathi, “Ngizizwa nginecala ngoba ukuphila kwami konke angikaze ngibhekane nobunzima futhi manje uNkulunkulu usenqume ukunginika ubunzima.”
- Ukudideka nakho kuphawula lesi sikhathi esibuhlungu. Ngenxa yokungaqondi ngokugcwele okwenzekayo nokuthi kuzokwenzekani, ukudideka kuzibonakalisa ngokuqwasha, ukungakwazi ukwenza izinqumo, nokugcwala kwengqondo. Phakathi nokuhlukumezeka okunjalo, ukwaziswa kungase kubonakale kungenangqondo futhi kuhlanekezelwe. Uzwa amagama amasha ongakaze uwazwe ngaphambili, amagama achaza into ongayiqondi. Ufuna ukuthola ukuthi imayelana nani, kodwa kubonakala sengathi awukwazi ukwenza umqondo walo lonke ulwazi olutholayo. Ngokuvamile abazali abakho ezingeni elifanayo nelomuntu ozama ukuxhumana nabo ngokukhubazeka kwengane yabo.
- Ukungabi namandla okushintsha okwenzekayo. Ukungakwazi ukushintsha okwenzekayo kunzima kakhulu ukwamukela. Lokhu kuholela ekuhlangenwe nakho okungakhululekile kokuzizwa ungenamandla. Awukwazi ukushintsha iqiniso lokuthi ingane yakho inokukhubazeka, kodwa abazali bafuna ukuzizwa benekhono futhi bekwazi ukuzisingatha izimo zabo zempilo. Kunzima kakhulu ukuphoqwa ukuncika ekwahluleleni, emibonweni nasezincomweni zabanye. Okubi nakakhulu ukuthi laba abanye ngokuvamile bangabantu abangabazi futhi okungakasungulwa ubuhlobo bokwethembana nabo.
- Ukudumala ukuthi ingane ayiphelele. Ukudumala kwengane ekhubazekile kubangela usongo kubazali abaningi kanye nenselele ohlelweni lwabo lwenani. Lokhu kuphazamiseka kokulindelwe ngaphambili kungadala ukungabaza ukwamukela ingane yomuntu njengomuntu obalulekile, othuthukayo. Ukwenqatshwa kungenye indlela abazali abasabela ngayo.
- Ukwenqatshwa kungaqondiswa enganeni noma kubasebenzi bezokwelapha noma kwamanye amalungu omndeni. Enye yezindlela ezingathi sína kakhulu zokulahlwa, futhi ezingajwayelekile kangako, “isifiso sokufa” somntwana—umuzwa abazali abaningi abawubikayo lapho becindezeleke kakhulu.
Ukuthola Amandla Akho Angaphakathi
Ziningi izinto ezingenziwa ukuze uzisize ubhekane nokutholakala nokuqaphela ukuthi ingane yakho inezidingo ezikhethekile. Lawa macebiso okusinda angase angezi ngokwemvelo noma kalula, kodwa azokusiza wena, ingane yakho nomndeni wakho, ningagcini nje ngokusinda, kodwa niphumelele.
- Cela Usizo Lomunye Umzali Kunomzali owangisiza. Emahoreni angu-22 ngemva kokutholwa kwengane yami, washo amazwi engingakaze ngiwakhohlwe: “Ungase ungakuqapheli namuhla, kodwa kungase kufike isikhathi ekuphileni kwakho lapho uyothola khona ukuthi ukuba nendodakazi ekhubazekile kuwuphawu. isibusiso.” Ngikhumbula ngididekile ngala mazwi, nakuba ayeyisipho esiyigugu esakhanyisa ukukhanya kokuqala kwethemba kimi. Lo mzali wakhuluma ngethemba ngekusasa. Wangiqinisekisa ukuthi kuzoba nezinhlelo, kuzoba nenqubekela phambili, futhi kuzoba nosizo olunhlobonhlobo oluvela emithonjeni eminingi. Futhi wayenguyise womfana owayenokukhubazeka kwengqondo. Engikuncomayo okokuqala wukuthi ngizame ukuthola omunye umzali wengane ekhubazekile, okungcono okhethe ukuba ngumsizi wabazali, afune usizo lwakhe. E-United States nasemhlabeni wonke, kunezinhlelo Zomzali Kumzali.
- Khuluma Nomngane Wakho Womshado, Umkhaya, Nabanye Ababalulekile Njengoba iminyaka ihamba, ngiye ngathola ukuthi abazali abaningi abayivezi indlela abazizwa ngayo ngezinkinga izingane zabo. Omunye umngane womshado uvame ukukhathazeka ngokungabi umthombo wamandla komunye umngane womshado. Lapho imibhangqwana ikwazi ukukhulumisana ezikhathini ezinzima njengalezi, amandla abo eqoqo ayanda. Qondani ukuthi nonke nibheka indima yenu ngendlela ehlukile njengabazali. Indlela ozozizwa ngayo futhi usabele ngayo kule nselele entsha ingase ingafani. Zama ukuchaza omunye nomunye ukuthi uzizwa kanjani; zama ukuqonda lapho ungaboni izinto ngendlela efanayo. Uma kukhona ezinye izingane, khuluma nazo, futhi. Qaphela izidingo zabo. Uma ungakwazi ngokomzwelo ukukhuluma nezingane zakho noma ukubona izidingo zazo ezingokomzwelo ngalesi sikhathi, thola abanye abangaphakathi kwesakhiwo somndeni wakho abangakha isibopho esikhethekile sokuxhumana nazo. Khuluma nabanye ababalulekile empilweni yakho—umngane wakho omkhulu, abazali bakho. Kubantu abaningi, isilingo sokuvala imizwelo sikhulu kuleli qophelo, kodwa kungaba okuzuzisa kakhulu ukuba nabangane abathembekile nezihlobo ezingasiza ekuthwaleni umthwalo ongokomzwelo.
- Thembela Emithonjeni Emihle Empilweni Yakho Omunye umthombo omuhle wamandla nokuhlakanipha kungaba umfundisi wakho, umpristi, noma urabi. Omunye angase abe umngane omuhle noma umeluleki. Iya kulabo abebengamandla phambilini empilweni yakho. Thola imithombo emisha oyidingayo manje. Umeluleki omuhle kakhulu wake wanginika indlela yokuphila enhlekeleleni: “Njalo ekuseni, lapho uvuka, qaphela ukuthi awunawo amandla okumelana nesimo obhekene naso, dlulisela le nkinga kuNkulunkulu, njengoba umqonda, futhi uqale usuku lwakho.” Noma nini lapho imizwa yakho ibuhlungu, kufanele ufinyelele futhi uxhumane nothile. Shayela noma ubhale noma ungene emotweni yakho futhi uxhumane nomuntu wangempela ozokhuluma nawe futhi abelane ngalobo buhlungu. Ubuhlungu obuhlukene abucishe bube nzima ukubuthwala njengobuhlungu bokuhlukaniswa. Kwesinye isikhathi ukwelulekwa kochwepheshe kuyafaneleka; uma unomuzwa wokuthi kungase kukusize, unganqikazi ukufuna le ndlela yosizo.
- Thatha Usuku Olulodwa ngesikhathi Ukwesaba ikusasa kungamvimba umuntu. Ukuphila neqiniso losuku oseluseduze kwenziwa kulawuleke kakhulu uma silahla “kungabe kuyini” kanye “nokuyini-ke” kwekusasa. Nakuba kungase kubonakale kungenakwenzeka, izinto ezinhle zizoqhubeka zenzeka usuku nosuku. Ukukhathazeka ngekusasa kuzoqeda izinsiza zakho ezilinganiselwe. Unokwanele ukugxila kukho; dlula usuku ngalunye, isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi.
- Gcina Ukubukeka Okuhle Isimo sengqondo esihle sizoba elinye lamathuluzi akho awusizo ngempela okubhekana nezinkinga. Kukhona, ngempela, ngaso sonke isikhathi uhlangothi oluhle kunoma yini eyenzekayo. Ngokwesibonelo, lapho ingane yami kutholakala ukuthi inokukhubazeka, enye yezinto eyangibonisa yona ukuthi yayiyingane ephile saka. Usenjalo. Iqiniso lokuthi akazange abe nokukhubazeka ngokomzimba kuye kwaba isibusiso esikhulu phakathi neminyaka edlule; ubeyingane ephile saka engake ngamkhulisa. Ukugxila kokuhle kunciphisa ama-negative futhi kwenza ukuphila kube lula ukubhekana nakho.
- Hlala uxhumene neReality Ukuhlala uxhumene namaqiniso kuwukwamukela ukuphila ngendlela eyiyo. Ukuhlala uthintana namaqiniso kuwukuqaphela futhi ukuthi kunezinto ezithile esingazishintsha nezinye esingenakuzishintsha. Umsebenzi wethu sonke ukufunda ukuthi yiziphi izinto esingazishintsha bese siqala ukwenza lokho.
- Pity Ukuzidabukela Isipiliyoni sokuhawukelwa kwabanye, noma ukuhawukela ingane yakho empeleni kuyakhubaza. Isihawu asikona lokho okudingekayo. Uzwela, okuyikhono lokuzizwa nomunye umuntu, isimo sengqondo okumelwe sikhuthazwe.
- Gcina Imizila Yansuku zonke Ivamile Ngangokunokwenzeka Umama wake wangitshela, “Lapho kuphakama inkinga futhi ungazi ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze, khona-ke wenza noma yini obuzoyenza noma kunjalo. Ukwenza lo mkhuba kubonakala kukhiqiza isimo esivamile nokungaguquguquki lapho ukuphila kuba matasa.
- Khumbula Ukuthi Le Ingane Yakho Lo muntu uyingane yakho, okokuqala nokubalulekile. Kuyavunywa, ukukhula kwengane yakho kungase kuhluke kwezinye izingane, kodwa lokhu akwenzi ingane yakho ingabi yigugu, ingabi ngumuntu, ingabalulekile, noma ingaludingi uthando lwakho nokuba umzali. Thanda futhi ujabulele ingane yakho. Ingane iza kuqala; ukukhubazeka kuza okwesibili. Uma ukwazi ukukhululeka futhi uthathe izinyathelo ezinhle ezisanda kushiwo, esisodwa ngesikhathi, uyokwenza konke okusemandleni akho, ingane yakho izozuza, futhi ungabheka phambili ekusaseni ngethemba.
- Yazi Ukuthi Awuwedwa Umuzwa wokuhlukaniswa ngesikhathi sokuxilongwa cishe uvamile phakathi kwabazali. Kulesi sihloko, kunezincomo eziningi zokukusiza ukuthi uphathe imizwa yokuhlukana nokuhlukaniswa. Kuyasiza ukwazi ukuthi le mizwa iye yatholwa abaningi, abanye abaningi, ukuthi usizo lokuqonda nolwakhayo luyatholakala kuwe nengane yakho, nokuthi awuwedwa.
"Kungenzeka ukuthi awuboni namuhla,
kodwa ngolunye usuku uzoqaphela ukuthi ngeke uhwebe ngezinjabulo nezinselele eziyingqayizivele
yokukhulisa ingane yakho enezidingo ezikhethekile zomhlaba.
Uzofunda okuningi,
kuhlanganise nozwela olukhulu ngabanye, ingasaphathwa eyokuthi ingane yakho ikufundisile
ukuphila ukuphila ngendlela ejulile, enenjongo kunangaphambili.”
