Ibhulogi yakamuva Lapho abantu bebuza ngesimo sengane yakho isilungele ukufundwa ku-inthanethi lapha https://www.fireflyfriends.com/uk/blog/when-people-ask-about-your-childs-condition/
Ngihlangane nokuthunyelwe muva nje engikuthole kuvusa umcabango futhi ngacabanga ukuthi ngizophonsa leyo inethi futhi ngibone ukuthi abanye bazizwa kanjani. Uma othile ekubuza wena noma ingane yakho ngesimo sayo sezempilo, uthini? Indlela yami yokwenza lokhu isishintshe kakhulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngiye ngafunda kabanzi ngabantu, nokukhubazeka kanye nokuxhumana nabanye lapho “siwumndeni”. Ngisathola ukuthi kuye ngokuthi ngizizwa kanjani ngalolo suku ukusabela kwami kungashintsha (futhi ngezinye izikhathi, ngize ngimangale!) Ezingxoxweni engibe nazo neminye imikhaya, ngiye ngathola ngokuvamile umbuzo othi “kuyini ukukhubazeka kwengane yakho?” iza nalezi zinhlobo zezimpendulo A - “Akunamsebenzi wakho. Kungani singaxoxa ngolwazi lwezokwelapha olubucayi/lomuntu siqu nomuntu esingamazi ngokuphelele?” B - “He asked too many questions so we snapped his legs” (Impendulo ehlekisayo ehlekisayo omunye wake wangitshela ukuthi umyeni wakhe wayeshilo kumuntu owayebuza imibuzo eminingi kakhulu. Ngiyahleka futhi ngicwile kanyekanye) C - You reply with a short ukuchaza futhi umeme imibuzo, phela, ukuqwashisa kubalulekile. D - Wabelana ngokweqile ngisho nokunikeza ipheshana lokuqwashisa elibangela umuntu ukuthi ahlehle kancane emamatheka. E - Uyacasuka ngokushesha uphendule ngokuthi “Kungani wonke umuntu engaboni ingane yami njengengane hhayi ngokukhubazeka kwayo?” (Benginjena kancane ekuqaleni kohambo) Ngingathanda ukucabanga ukuthi ngiyinketho C kinda gal kodwa uma ngikhuluma iqiniso I am D. Amapheshana engawenza eminyakeni edlule kuwo isikhathi lapho ngangingakakulungeli ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngesimo sika-Amy. Ngangingazi njalo ukuthi ngithini. Manje sengingakwazi ukukhuluma nanoma ubani ngaye…hhayi nje izinto zokwelapha, kodwa yonke into. Ungumhlaba wami futhi ngiyaziqhenya ngokuba naye njengendodakazi yami. Ezweni elihle, u-Amy wayezokhuluma futhi akwazi ukutshela abantu noma yini azizwa ifanelekile. Ngihlale ngibhekene necala lokuthi uma engafuni ngitshele abantu ngesimo sakhe? Ngenza kahle kuye? Ngiyazi kuwo wonke umuntu ocabanga ukuthi ngisondela kuyo ngendlela efanele, kungenzeka kube khona umuntu ofisa ngolaka ukuthi ngingatsheli abantu ngaye. U-Amy unobuntu obunamahloni kakhulu. Nginomuzwa wokuthi ukube ebekhuluma ubezobatshela konke ngaye (mhlawumbe uthando lwakhe lomculo ngaphezu kwanoma yini enye)... noma mhlawumbe angavele angabanaki ngokuphelele (ngesinye isikhathi unezinsuku zokungahlalisani kahle.) Kunzima kakhulu ukwazi . Ngesinye isikhathi, lapho u-Amy eseyingane ngangijabulela usuku kanye naye nomama wami. Kwafika intokazi kimi yathi "Oh bekuyi-trauma yokuzalwa?". Angisakhumbuli ukuthi yini eyangicasula kakhulu - ukuletha izinsuku ezibuhlungu kakhulu zokuphila kwethu ngokunganaki, noma ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi wayebiza ingane yami ngokuthi "it"? Lapho ngizindla ngicabanga ukuthi wayebone ishubhu ka-Amy NG futhi wayesho ukuthi “it” njengoba kwenzeka lapho kwabangela isidingo seshubhu, engayibizi ingane yami ngokuthi “it”. Kunoma ikuphi, ngalolo suku, kwangishaya njengokuhlasela. Kwakungacunuli, kucasula, kulimaza. Bengifisa sengathi ngabe akazange asho lutho, noma aphawule nje ngendlela abethandeka ngayo. Ukusheshisa iminyaka engu-8 futhi izinto ziyafana ngezindlela eziningi. Amagama athile ngezinye izikhathi ayangicasula. “Kwenzenjani ngaye”. Kumuntu okushoyo kungase kungabi nacala futhi msulwa kodwa kukhona okufika kimina ngakho. AKUKHO OKUBI kuye. Ngiyazi abakushoyo, kodwa abakwazi yini ukuba nobuhlakani obuthe xaxa? Lesi ngesinye sezikhathi eziningi engangifisa sengathi angizange ngibe nesizotha kakhulu ukusho indlela engangizizwa ngayo ngempela. Esikhundleni salokho ngiyayifaka ngaphakathi futhi ngigxile kuyo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngiyakuzonda ukungqubuzana. Kwesinye isikhathi ngiyazibuza ukuthi kungani kumele bazi? Ingxenye yami icabanga ukuthi iyiphi ilukuluku elibi abayidingayo ukuze banelise? Abantu bakhona ngezindlela eziningi ezahlukene. Sonke sihlukile futhi sihlukile ngendlela yethu. Kodwa kungani sidinga ukukhuluma ngokusobala lokho kuhluka? Kodwa ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngingathanda kakhulu ukuthi abantu beze bazokhuluma nathi futhi benze ukuxhumana njenganoma yimuphi omunye. Ukuvuleleka ngesihloko kungadiliza ukucwaswa nokusiza ukubekezelelana, ukwamukelwa, ukufakwa. Kungikhumbuza ezinye zezikhathi lapho sike saba khona esibhedlela futhi bafuna ukuletha iqembu labafundi bezokwelapha ukuze lizobuza imibuzo ngo-Amy. Ngiyasiqonda futhi ngiyasihlonipha isidingo sabo sokufunda, kodwa ngandlela thize kuyamphikisa njengokuthi uwuhlobo oluthile lombukiso futhi atshele into ye-Q&A. Akabekezelele inombolo 285639853 kimi, uyindodakazi yami yabantu emangalisayo. Yebo kwabaningi ukhuthaza izinga lelukuluku lezokwelapha...unezici ezimbalwa ezithakaselayo kubo, ngiyakuthola lokho. Futhi lapho sibatshela kakhulu kulapho bangagxila kakhulu emithini nasekwelashweni kwezikhalazo ezahlukahlukene zemisipha nanoma yini okungenzeka ukuthi iyenzeka. Futhi, kuye ngesimo sosuku ngingase ngithi yebo, ngingase ngithi cha. Ngizophinde ngiwulinganise ngokususelwa kusimo sengqondo sika-Amy. Uma esesimweni esibi futhi ezizwa engathandeki ngizokwenqaba futhi ngethemba ukuthi ngenze isinqumo esifanele. Into eyodwa engiyitholayo empilweni, futhi ivela kakhulu nsuku zonke. Awazi nje ukuthi umuntu ubhekene nani. Uma ubona lowo mndeni unengane esihlalweni esinamasondo... kungenzeka ukuthi muva nje banikezwe ukuxilongwa okubuhlungu futhi balungisa izinto ezinzima ngempela. Noma wona lowo mkhaya ungase ngalolo suku umane ufune abanye bawubheke njenganoma yimuphi omunye umkhaya ovamile oqhubeka nokuphila kwawo. Bangase bangafuni ukukhunjuzwa njalo ukuthi bahlukile ngandlela-thile. Ngokulinganayo lowo mndeni ofanayo ungase ufune ngempela ukuzwa umusa othile nokwazisa okuvela kwabanye ukuze uzizwe uhlanganisiwe futhi wamukelwe. Akuwona wonke umuntu ozoba nemizwa nezimpendulo ezifanayo futhi udinga ukuthi uqale ucabangele imizwa yomuntu okukhulunywa ngaye. Ungakhulumi labo olabo. Bameme ukuthi babe yingxenye yengxoxo kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bayakhuluma noma cha. Asiyona inhlekelele, asifuni ukuhawukelwa, sifuna nje ukujabula ngangokunokwenzeka futhi sibe nezimpilo ezingcono kakhulu esingakwazi, njengoba nje wonke umuntu enza. Ithemba lami eliyinhloko ukuthi u-Amy uyazi ukuthi ngaphezu kwanoma yini enye, ungumuntu. Akudingekile ukuthi achazwe ngokukhubazeka kwakhe. Kuningi kakhulu kuye kunalokho. Yebo kuthinta yonke indawo yempilo yakhe. Kodwa akumshintshi njengomuntu. Uhlakaniphile, unobudlelwane, ujabule, uyaxoxa, unesasasa, umnandi, uhlakaniphile, unamandla, ubalulekile, ubalulekile, muhle, kanye nenqwaba yezinye izinto. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ikuphi ukulinganiselwa anakho kubonakala ethatha isinyathelo. Ngiyakubona ukukhungatheka kwakhe, ngihlezi ngifisa sengathi izinto zingaba lula kuye. Kodwa ngokuyinhloko ngifisa ukwazi ukuthi uyazi ukuthi senza konke okusemandleni ethu nokuthi ucabanga ukuthi simenzela izinto ezifanele. Mina ngingumzali wakhe kuphela, angisiyena umuntu ophila nesifo sakhe, angilona izwi lakhe kodwa ngingumkhulumeli wakhe onamandla. Ngethemba ukuthi ngikwenza kahle lokhu. Okuthunyelwe Lapho abantu bebuza ngesimo sengane yakho kuvele kuqala ku-Firefly Blog . ************ https://www.fireflyfriends.com/uk/blog/special-needs/,https://www.fireflyfriends.com/uk/blog/special-needs/advice -sekela/
