Umgcini wengane olungileyo uzama ukwenza izinqumo ezilungele ingane yakhe.
Umgcini wengane olungileyo akudingeki aphelele. Akekho ophelele.
Akekho umgcini wengane ophelele.
Akekho umntwana onokuba aphelele futhi... ukukhumbula lokhu kubalulekile lapho sibeka okulindelekile kithi.
Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi akufanele sisebenzise kulelo njongo.
Beka amazinga aphezulu kithina kuqala bese kuba kubantwana bethu. Sikhonza njengesibonelo esihle kubo.
Nawa amathiphu ayi-10 wokufunda amakhono amahle wokugcinwa kwengane.
Amanye amaningi awo akasheshi futhi akulula. Futhi cishe akekho ongakwenza konke ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Kodwa uma uqhubeka usebenza kuwo, noma ungase wenze ingxenye yawo kuphela ngesikhathi esithile, usazobe uhamba endleleni efanele.
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Amathiphu Abalulekile ayi-10 Okuthuthukisa Amakhono Okuba Umzali
#1 Yiba Isibonelo Esihle
Yenza okufanele. Ungasho nje kumntwana wakho ukuthi yini ofuna ayenze. Mbukise.
Abantu baluhlobo olukhethekile ngokwengxenye ngenxa yokuthi singafunda ngokulingisa. Siprogramiwe ukukopisha izenzo zabanye ukuze siwaqonde futhi siwafeze kwezethu. Izingane, ikakhulukazi, zibukisisa kakhulu yonke into eyenziwa abazali bazo.
Ngakho, yiba umuntu ofuna ingane yakho ibe yiyo — hlonipha ingane yakho, ibonise ukuziphatha okuhle nesimo sengqondo esihle, yiba nobubele ezimweni zemizwa yengane yakho — futhi ingane yakho izokwenza okufanayo.
#2: Bazise futhi ubabonise ngezinto ezenziwayo
Bonisa uthando lwakho.
Akukho okunjengokuthanda ingane yakho kakhulu. Ukuyithanda akukwazi ukuyonakalisa.
Yilokho okhetha ukukwenza (noma ukunikeza) egameni lothando okungahle kwenzeke — izinto ezifana nokuhlawulela ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo, ukubekezelela, okulindelekile okuphansi, nokuvikela ngokweqile. Lapho lezi zinto zinikezwa esikhundleni sothando lweqiniso, yilapho uzoba nengane eyonakalisiwe.
Ukuthanda ingane yakho kungaba lula njengokuyinika ukwanga, ukuchitha isikhathi nayo nokulalela izinkinga zayo ngokungathi sína.
Ukubonisa lezi zenzo zothando kungakhulula amahomoni akhipha injabulo afana ne-oxytocin, ama-opioid, ne-prolactin. Lezi zinto ezinobuthi emizweni zingasizuzisa ukuthula okujulile, ukufudumala ngokwezimo zengqondo kanye nokwaneliseka, kulokhu ingane izothuthukisa ukuqina futhi ingasaphathwa ubuhlobo obuseduze nawe.
#3: Praktiza Ukukhulisa Izingane Okuhle Okunomusa Nokuqinile
Izinsana zizalwa zinamabhiliyoni ayi-100 amaseli obuchopho (ama-neurons) anokuxhumana okuncane kakhulu. Lokhu kuxhumana kudala imicabango yethu, kuqhuba izenzo zethu, kulolonge ubuntu bethu futhi empeleni kunqume ukuthi singobani. Kudaliwe, kwaqiniswa futhi "kwabaziwa" ngokusebenzisa okuhlangenwe nakho ezimpilweni zethu.
Nikeza ingane yakho okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle. Bazokwazi ukuzwa okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle bona ngokwabo futhi bakunikeze abanye.
Nikeza ingane yakho okuhlangenwe nakho okubi. Ngeke babe nokuthuthuka okudingekayo ukuze baphumelele.
Cula leyo ngoma ehlekisayo. Yiba nomjaho wokunwaya. Yiya epaki. Hleka nengane yakho. Hamba kungenzeka ukufutheka okungokomzwelo. Xazulula inkinga ndawonye ngesimo sengqondo esihle.
Ngaphandle kokuthi lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle kudala ukuxhumana okuhle engqondweni yengane yakho, futhi kudala izinkumbulo zakho ingane yakho ezophatha impilo yonke.
Uma kuziwa ekuqondiseni, kubonakala kunzima ukuhlala unethemba. Kodwa kungenzeka ukwenza Ukuqondisa Okuhle futhi ugweme izinyathelo zokujezisa.
Ukuba umzali omuhle kusho ukuthi kufanele ufundise ingane yakho isifundo sokuthi yini okulungile nokungalungile. Ukubeka imingcele nokuhambisana kuyizihluthulelo zokuqondisa okuhle. Yiba nomusa futhi uqiniseke lapho uphoqelela leyo mithetho. Gxila esizathini esingemuva kokuziphatha kwengane. Futhi kwenze kube yithuba lokufunda ngekusasa, kunokuba ujezise okwedlule.
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#4: Yiba Indawo Yokuphephela Ephephile Yengane Yakho
Yenza ingane yakho yazi ukuthi uzohlala ukhona ngaso sonke isikhathi ngokusabela ezimpawini zayo futhi ubazwele izidingo zayo. Sekela futhi wamukele ingane yakho njengomuntu. Yiba indawo efudumele, ephephile ukuze ingane yakho ihlole kuyo.
Izingane ezikhuliswe abazali abasabela njalo zivame ukuba nentuthuko engcono ngokomzwelo, intuthuko kwezenhlalo, kanye nemiphumela engcono yempilo yengqondo.
#5: Khuluma Nengane Yakho Futhi Uyisize Ihlanganise Ingqondo Yayo
Iningi lethu selivele liyakwazi ukubaluleka kokuxhumana. Khuluma nengane yakho futhi ulalele ngokucophelela.
Ngokugcina umugqa wokuxhumana ovulekile, uzoba nobuhlobo obungcono nengane yakho futhi ingane yakho izokuza kuwe uma kukhona inkinga.
Kodwa kukhona esinye isizathu sokuxhumana — uyasiza ingane yakho ihlanganise izingxenye ezihlukene zobuchopho bayo.
Ukuhlanganisa kufana nomzimba wethu lapho izitho ezihlukene zidinga ukusebenza ngokubambisana ukuze kugcinwe umzimba uphilile.
Lapho izingxenye ezihlukene zobuchopho zihlanganisiwe, zingasebenza ngokuvumelana njengento eyodwa, okusho ukuthi kuncane ukucasuka, ukuziphatha okuhlanganyelayo, kanye nokuzwelana okwengeziwe.
Ukuze ukwenze lokho, khuluma ngezinto ezikukhathazayo. Cela ingane yakho ukuba ichaze ukuthi kwenzekeni nokuthi izizwe kanjani.
Akudingeki unikeze izixazululo. Akudingeki ube nazo zonke izimpendulo ukuze ube umzali omuhle. Ukulalela nje lapho bekhuluma nokubuza imibuzo ecacisayo kuzobasiza baqonde okuhlangenwe nakho kwabo futhi bahlanganise izinkumbulo.
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#6: Zindla Ngobuntwana Bakho
Abaningi bethu bafuna ukuba abazali ngendlela ehlukile kunabazali bethu. Ngisho nalabo ababa nobuntwana obujabulisayo bangase bafune ukushintsha ezinye izici zendlela abakhuliswa ngayo.
Kodwa ngokuvamile, lapho sivula imilomo yethu, sikhuluma njengabazali bethu.
Ukuzindla ngobuntwana bethu kuyisinyathelo esibheke ekuqondeni ukuthi kungani sizala ngendlela esenza ngayo.
Bhala phansi izinto ongathanda ukuzishintsha bese ucabanga ukuthi ungazenza kanjani ngokuhlukile esimweni sangempela. Zama ukuqaphela futhi ushintshe ukuziphatha kwakho ngokuzayo lapho lezo zinkinga zivela.
Ungapheli amandla uma ungaphumeleli ekuqaleni. Kudinga umkhuba. Umkhuba omkhulu.
#7: Naka Inhlalakahle Yakho
Naka inhlalakahle yakho.
Ngokuvamile, izinto ezifana nempilo yakho noma impilo yomshado wakho zigcinwa ngemuva lapho kuzalwa ingane. Uma ungazinaki, zizoba izinkinga ezinkulu ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Zinakekele kahle ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Thatha isikhathi ukuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho nomlingani wakho. Uma lezi zindawo ezimbili zehluleka, ingane yakho nayo izohlupheka.
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#8: Ungashayi, Kungakhathaliseki Ukuthi Kwenzekani
Ngokungangabazeki, kwabanye abazali, ukushaya kungaletha ukulalela okwesikhashana okwesinye isikhathi kuyisihlengo esidingeka kakhulu kubazali.
Nokho, le ndlela ayifundisi ingane okuhle nokubi. Ifundisa ingane ukwesaba imiphumela yangaphandle kuphela. Ingane isuke-ke ikhuthazekile ukugwema ukubanjwa esikhundleni salokho.
Ukushaya ingane yakho kusho ukuyibonisa ukuthi ingaxazulula izinkinga ngodlame.
Izingane ezishaywayo, ezithatshazwayo noma ezishaywayo zivame ukulwa nezinye izingane. Zivame ukuba izixhwanguxhwangu futhi zisebenzise ulaka olungokomlomo/ngokomzimba ukuxazulula izingxabano. Kamuva empilweni, nazo zivame ukuba nemiphumela yokuba izigebengu, ukuziphatha okungafanele nezigilamkhuba, ubuhlobo obubi bomzali nengane, izinkinga zempilo yengqondo, kanye nezisulu noma abahlukumezi bodlame lwasekhaya.
Kunezinhlobonhlobo zezindlela ezingcono zokuqondisa eziye zabonakala zisebenza kakhulu, njengePositive Discipline (Ithiphu #3 ngenhla) kanye nokuqiniswa okuhle.
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#9: Gcina Izinto Zibukeke Futhi Khumbula Inhloso Yakho Yokuba Umzali
Yini injongo yakho yokukhulisa ingane?
Uma ufana nabazali abaningi, ufuna ingane yakho iphumelele esikoleni, ibe negalelo, ibe nesibopho futhi izimele, ijabulele ubudlelwano obunenjongo nawe nabanye, ibe nenakekelo futhi inobubele, futhi ibe nokuphila okujabulisayo, okunempilo nokwanelisayo.
Kodwa uchitha isikhathi esingakanani usebenzela lezo zinjongo?
Uma ufana nabazali abaningi, cishe uchitha isikhathi esiningi uzama nje ukuqedela usuku. Njengoba ababhali, uSiegel noBryson, bekhombisa encwadini yabo, The Whole-Brain Child, esikhundleni sokusiza ingane yakho iphumelele, uchitha isikhathi esiningi uzama nje ukuphila!
Ukuze ungavumeli isimo sokuphila sibuse impilo yakho, ngokuzayo lapho uzizwa unolaka noma ucasukile, hlehla emuva.
Cabanga ukuthi ulaka nokucasuka kuzokwenzelani wena noma ingane yakho. Kunalokho, thola izindlela zokuguqula konke okuhlangenwe nakho okubi kube yithuba lokufunda kuye/kuyona. Ngisho nokuqubuka okukhulu kungaguqulwa kube izikhathi zokulolonga ubuchopho ezibalulekile.
Ukukwenza lokhu ngeke nje kukusize ugcine umbono ophilile, kodwa futhi usebenza kwenye yezinjongo zakho eziyinhloko ekubeni umzali — ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhle nengane yakho.
#10: Sebenzisa Indlela Ephuthumayo Ngokusebenzisa Okutholakele Ocwaningweni Lwesayensi Yengqondo Namathuba Amncane Namuhla
Ngokusebenzisa izindlela ezimfishane, angisho ukwenza okuncane enganeni yakho. Engikushoyo ukusebenzisa lokho esekuvele kwaziwa ososayensi.
Izenzo eziningi zokuba umzali noma amasiko afundwe ngokwesayensi, afakazelwe, aphuculiwe noma aphikisiwe.
Ukuze uthole iseluleko esihle sokuba umzali esisekelwe kwisayensi nolwazi, nansi enye yezincwadi zami engizithandayo ezisekelwe kwisayensi, I-Science of Parenting.
Ukusebenzisa ulwazi lwesayensi akuyona isu elilodwa elifanele bonke. Yonke ingane ihlukile. Ngisho nangaphakathi kwesitayela esingcono kakhulu sokuba umzali, kungaba khona izindlela eziningi ezahlukene zokuba umzali ongazikhetha ngokuya ngobuntu bengane yakho .
Ngokwesibonelo, ngaphandle kokushaya, kunezinye izindlela eziningi ezingcono, isb. ukuqondisa kabusha, ukucabanga, ukususa amalungelo, isikhathi-ngaphakathi, njll. Ungakhetha indlela yokuqondisa engajezisi efanele ingane yakho kakhulu.
Yebo, ungakhetha futhi ukusebenzisa izimiso “zokwesiko” noma “zesikole esidala” (isb. ukushaya) futhi ungase usathola umphumela “ofanayo”.
Ngokwe- Diathsis-Stress Model, abantu abanezingozi zokuhlushwa yisifo sengqondo maningi amathuba okuthi babe naso uma behlangabezana nokucindezeleka.
I-diathesis, okungukuthi, izingozi, zingaba ngokoqobo noma ezemvelo.
Ngakho-ke, mhlawumbe ingane yakho ingaba nenhlanhla futhi ingabi nazo lezo zingozi. Bangase babe namandla futhi banqobe noma ngabe umzali unzima kangakanani.
Kodwa mhlawumbe akunjalo.
Kungani kubekwe engcupheni umonakalo ongadalwa yizindlela ezithile ezingaphelele lapho kukhona izindlela ezicwaningwe kahle, ezinhle kakhulu?
Ukuthatha lezi “zinqamuleli” kungadinga umsebenzi omningi ngakolunye uhlangothi esikhathini esifushane, kodwa kungakongela isikhathi esiningi nosizi esikhathini eside.
Ukuthatha lezi “zinqamuleli” kungadinga umsebenzi omningi ngakolunye uhlangothi esikhathini esifushane, kodwa kungakongela isikhathi esiningi nosizi esikhathini eside.
Ukuba umzali okuhle!
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Imicabango Yokugcina Ngokuba Umzali
Into enhle ukuthi, yize ukuba umzali kunzima, kuphinde kube nomvuzo omkhulu. Ingxenye embi ukuthi imivuzo ivame ukuza sekuhambe isikhathi kakhulu kunokusebenza kanzima. Kodwa uma senza konke okusemandleni ethu manje, ekugcineni sizovuna imivuzo futhi singabi nalutho esizozisola ngalo.
