Umzali oqotho ulwela ukwenza izinqumo ezizuzisa ingane.
Umzali oqotho akudingekile ukuba aphelele. Akekho ophelele.
Akekho umzali ongenasici.
Cha ingane iphelele noma … ukugcina lokhu engqondweni kubalulekile lapho sibeka lokho esikulindele.
Kodwa akusho ukuthi akufanele sisebenzele kulowo mgomo.
Zibekele izindinganiso eziphakeme kuqala bese izingane zethu zibe ngokwesibili. Sisebenza njengesibonelo kubo.
Nawa amathiphu angu-10 okufunda amakhono aphumelelayo okuba umzali.
Eziningi zazo azisheshi futhi azilula. Futhi cishe akekho ongenza zonke ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Kodwa uma ungaqhubeka nokusebenza kuzo, nakuba ungenza ingxenye yalezi ngezikhathi ezithile, uzobe usahamba ngendlela efanele.
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Amathiphu Aphezulu ayi-10 Okuthuthukisa Amakhono Okukhulisa Umzali
#1 Yiba Yisibonelo Esihle
Hamba uhambo. Ungamane utshele ingane yakho ukuthi yini ofuna yenze. Bakhombise.
Umuntu uwuhlobo olukhethekile ngokwengxenye ngoba singafunda ngokulingisa. Sihlelelwe ukukopisha izenzo zabanye ukuze siziqonde futhi sizihlanganise nezethu. Izingane, ikakhulukazi, zibukela konke okwenziwa abazali bazo ngokucophelela.
Ngakho-ke, yiba ngumuntu ofuna ingane yakho ibe nguye - inhlonipho ingane yakho, yibonise ukuziphatha okuhle nesimo sengqondo, yiba nozwela ngomzwelo wengane yakho - futhi ingane yakho izolandela okufanayo.
#2: Bathande Futhi Ubabonise Ngezenzo
Bonisa uthando lwakho .
Ayikho into enjengokuthanda ingane yakho ngokweqile. Ukubathanda angeke konakalise.
Yilokho kuphela okhetha ukukwenza (noma ukukunikeza) egameni lothando — izinto ezifana nokuzitika ngezinto ezibonakalayo, ukuyekelela, ukulindela okuphansi, nokuvikela ngokweqile. Uma lezi zinto zinikezwa esikhundleni sothando lwangempela, yilapho uyoba nengane emoshiwe.
Ukuthanda ingane yakho kungaba lula njengokumnika yona ukwanga , ukuchitha isikhathi nabo futhi ulalele izindaba zabo ngokungathi sína.
Ukubonisa lezi zenzo zothando kungabangela ukukhululwa kwamahomoni okuzizwa ejabule njenge-oxytocin, i-opioid, ne-prolactin. Lawa ma-neurochemicals angasilethela umuzwa ojulile wokuzola, imfudumalo yemizwa nokwaneliseka, kulokhu ingane ezokhula ukuqina futhi ingasaphathwa eyobudlelwane obuseduze nawe.
#3: Zijwayeze Ukuba Ngumzali Onomusa Futhi Oqinile
Izingane zizalwa zinamangqamuzana obuchopho (ama-neurons) acishe abe yizigidi eziyizinkulungwane eziyi-100 anokuxhumana okuncane. Lokhu kuxhumana kwakha imicabango yethu, kuqhuba izenzo zethu, kulolonge ubuntu bethu futhi kunqume ukuthi singobani. Zidaliwe, ziyaqiniswa futhi “ziyaqoshwa” ngokuhlangenwe nakho empilweni yethu yonke.
Nikeza ingane yakho okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle. Bayoba nekhono lokuzibonela ngokwabo okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle futhi bakunikeze abanye.
Nikeza ingane yakho umuzwa ongemuhle. Ngeke babe nohlobo lwentuthuko oludingekayo ukuze bachume.
Hlabelelani lelo culo. Iba nomjaho we-tickle marathon. Hamba uye epaki. Hleka nengane yakho. Gibela udlule ukufutheka ngokomzwelo . Xazulula inkinga kanye nesimo sengqondo esihle.
Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle akugcini nje ngokudala ukuxhumana okuhle ebuchosheni bengane yakho, kodwa futhi kwakha izinkumbulo zakho ezithwala ingane yakho ukuphila kwakho konke.
Uma kuziwa endabeni yesiyalo, kubonakala kunzima ukuhlala unethemba. Kodwa kungenzeka ukuzijwayeza Isiyalo Esihle futhi gwema izinyathelo zokujezisa .
Ukuba umzali oqotho kusho ukuthi kudingeka ufundise ingane yakho ukuziphatha okuhle nokubi. Ukubeka imingcele nokungaguquguquki kuyizihluthulelo zesiyalo esihle. Yiba nomusa futhi uqine lapho usebenzisa leyo mithetho. Gxila kusizathu sokuziphatha kwengane. Futhi kwenze kube yithuba lokufunda ngekusasa, kunokujezisa okwedlule.
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#4: Yiba Indawo Ephephile Yengane Yakho
Yazisa ingane yakho ukuthi uzohlala ulapho kuyo ngokuphendula izimpawu zengane futhi uzwele izidingo zayo. Sekela futhi wamukele ingane yakho njengomuntu ngamunye. Yiba yindawo efudumele, ephephile ingane yakho engahlola kuyo.
Izingane ezikhuliswe abazali abasabela ngokungaguquki zivame ukuba nokukhula okungcono kwemizwelo, ukukhula komphakathi, kanye nemiphumela yezempilo yengqondo.
#5: Khuluma Nengane Yakho Futhi Usize Ubuchopho Babo Buhlangane
Iningi lethu seliyazi ukubaluleka kokuxhumana. Khuluma nengane yakho futhi uyilalele ngokucophelela.
Ngokugcina umzila wokuxhumana ovulekile, uzoba nobudlelwane obungcono nengane yakho futhi ingane yakho izoza kuwe uma kunenkinga.
Kodwa kunesinye isizathu sokuxhumana — usiza ingane yakho ukuthi ihlanganise izingxenye ezihlukene zobuchopho bayo.
Ukuhlanganiswa kufana nomzimba wethu lapho izitho ezahlukene zidinga ukuxhumanisa nokusebenza ndawonye ukuze kugcinwe umzimba onempilo.
Lapho izingxenye ezihlukahlukene zobuchopho zihlanganiswa, zingasebenza ngokuvumelana sezizonke, okusho ukucasuka okumbalwa, ukuziphatha ngokubambisana okwengeziwe, nozwela olwengeziwe.
Ukuze wenze lokho, khuluma ngezinto ezikhathazayo. Cela ingane yakho ukuthi ikuchaze okwenzekile nokuthi yazizwa kanjani.
Awudingi ukunikeza izixazululo. Awudingi ukuba nazo zonke izimpendulo ukuze ube umzali oqotho. Ukuvele ubalalele bekhuluma futhi ubabuze imibuzo ecacisayo kuzobasiza ukuthi benze umqondo kokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo futhi kuhlanganise izinkumbulo.
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#6: Zindla Ngobuntwana Bakho
Abaningi bethu bafuna ukuba abazali ngendlela ehlukile kubazali bethu. Ngisho nalabo abakhule ngendlela ejabulisayo bangase bafune ukushintsha izici ezithile zendlela abakhuliswa ngayo.
Kodwa ngokuvamile, lapho sivula imilomo yethu, siyakhuluma njengoba kwenza abazali bethu .
Ukuzindla ngobungane bethu kuyisinyathelo sokuqonda ukuthi kungani singabazali ngendlela esenza ngayo.
Qaphela izinto ongathanda ukuzishintsha futhi ucabange ukuthi ungakwenza kanjani ngendlela ehlukile esimeni sangempela. Zama ukuqaphela futhi ushintshe indlela oziphatha ngayo ngesikhathi esizayo lapho kuvela lezo zinkinga.
Ungalahli ithemba uma ungaphumeleli ekuqaleni. Kudinga ukuzijwayeza. Ukuzijwayeza okuningi.
#7: Naka Impilo Yakho Yakho
Naka inhlalakahle yakho siqu.
Izikhathi eziningi, izinto ezifana nempilo yakho siqu noma impilo yomshado wakho zigcinwa zishisa lapho ingane izalwa. Uma ungazinaki, zizophenduka izinkinga ezinkulu emgwaqeni.
Zinakekele kahle ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Zinike isikhathi sokuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho nowakwakho. Uma lezi zindawo ezimbili zihluleka, ingane yakho izohlupheka, futhi.
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#8: Ungashayi, Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi Uyini
Ngokungangabazeki, kwabanye abazali, ukushaywa ngempama kungaletha ukuthobela umthetho wesikhashana okuyinto ngezinye izikhathi impumuzo edingeka kakhulu kubazali.
Nokho, le ndlela ayifundisi ingane okuhle nokubi. Ifundisa kuphela ingane ukwesaba imiphumela yangaphandle. Ingane ke gqugquzelekile ukugwema ukubanjwa esikhundleni.
Ukushaya ingane yakho kuwukumodela enganeni yakho ukuthi ingakwazi ukuxazulula izinkinga ngodlame.
Izingane ezishaywayo, ezishaywayo noma ezishaywayo zijwayele ukulwa nezinye izingane. Amathuba amaningi okuthi babe iziqhwaga futhi basebenzise ulaka lwamazwi/lomzimba ukuze baxazulule izingxabano. Kamuva ekuphileni, nabo bangase babangele ubuhlongandlebe, ukuziphatha okungahambisani nenhlalo nobugebengu, ubudlelwano obubi phakathi komzali nengane, izinkinga zempilo yengqondo, izisulu zodlame lwasekhaya noma abahlukumezi.
Kunezinhlobonhlobo zezinye izindlela ezingcono zokuqondisa izigwegwe ezifakazelwe ukuthi zisebenza kangcono, njenge-Positive Discipline (Ithiphu #3 ngenhla) kanye ukuqiniswa okuhle .
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#9: Gcina Izinto Zisesimweni Futhi Ukhumbule Inhloso Yakho Yokuba Umzali
Yini eyakho umgomo kwe ukukhulisa ingane ?
Uma ufana nabazali abaningi, ufuna ingane yakho yenze kahle esikoleni, ikhiqize, ibe nomthwalo wemfanelo futhi izimele, ijabulele ubuhlobo obunenjongo nawe nabanye, ibe nokunakekela nozwela, futhi ibe nokuphila okujabulisayo, okunempilo nokwanelisayo.
Kodwa singakanani isikhathi osichitha usebenzela leyo migomo?
Uma ufana nabazali abaningi, cishe uchitha isikhathi esiningi uzama nje ukudlula usuku. Njengoba ababhali, uSiegel noBryson, beveza encwadini yabo, Ingane Enengqondo Ephelele , esikhundleni sokusiza ingane yakho phumelela , uchitha isikhathi esiningi uzama nje sinda !
Ukuze ungavumeli imodi yokusinda ilawule impilo yakho, ngokuzayo lapho uzizwa uthukuthele noma ukhungathekile, buyela emuva.
Cabanga ngalokho intukuthelo nokukhungatheka okuyokwenzela kona noma ingane yakho. Kunalokho, thola izindlela zokuguqula konke okuhlangenwe nakho okungalungile kube yithuba lokufunda kuye. Ngisho nama-epic tantrums angashintshwa abe yigugu ukuqopha ubuchopho izikhathi.
Ukwenza lokhu ngeke nje kukusize ugcine umbono onempilo, kodwa futhi usebenza kwenye yezinhloso zakho eziyinhloko ekukhuliseni umzali - ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhle nengane yakho.
#10: Thatha Isinqamuleli Ngokusebenzisa Okutholakele Ocwaningweni Lwakamuva LwePsychology kanye Neuroscience
Ngezinqamuleli, angiqondile ukushintsha ingane yakho. Engikushoyo wukusebenzisa leli thuba osekwaziwa ngososayensi.
Imikhuba noma amasiko amaningi okukhulisa izingane acwaningwe ngokwesayensi, aqinisekiswa, acwengisiswa noma aphikiswa.
Ukuze uthole izeluleko ezinhle nolwazi lwabazali ngokwesayensi, nansi enye yezincwadi engizikhonzile ezisekelwe kwisayensi yokukhulisa izingane, Isayensi Yokukhulisa Umzali .
Ukusebenzisa ulwazi lwesayensi akulona isu elilingana konke. Zonke izingane zihlukile. Ngisho nangaphakathi kwesitayela sokukhulisa izingane esingcono kakhulu, kungaba nezinqubo eziningi ezahlukene zokukhulisa izingane ongazikhetha ngokusho kwakho ubuntu bomntwana .
Isibonelo, ngaphandle kokushaya, kunezindlela eziningi ezingcono, isib. ukuqondisa kabusha, ukucabanga, ukususa amalungelo, ukungena isikhathi, njll. Ungakhetha indlela yesiyalo engajezisi lokho kusebenza kangcono enganeni yakho.
Yebo, ungaphinda ukhethe ukusebenzisa amafilosofi “esiko” noma “esikole esidala” (isb. ukushaya) futhi usengathola umphumela “ofanayo”.
Ngokusho kwe I-Diathsis-Stress Model , abantu abasengozini yokuhlupheka ngenxa yokuphazamiseka kwengqondo kungenzeka ukuthi bathuthuke lapho bebhekana nengcindezi.
I-diathesis, okungukuthi ubuthakathaka, ingaba yemvelo noma yemvelo.
Ngakho-ke, mhlawumbe ingane yakho ingaba nenhlanhla futhi ayinabo ubungozi obunjalo. Bangase baqine futhi banqobe kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unzima kangakanani wena mzali.
Kodwa mhlawumbe akunjalo.
Kungani engcupheni umonakalo ezinye zezinqubo ezingaphansi ezingase zidale kuyilapho kukhona ezicwaningwe kahle, ezingcono?
Ukuthatha lezi “zindlela ezinqamulelayo” kungase kudinge umsebenzi owengeziwe engxenyeni yakho esikhathini esifushane, kodwa kungakongela isikhathi esiningi nosizi ekuhambeni kwesikhathi.
Ukuthatha lezi “zinqamuleli” kungase kudinge umsebenzi omningi engxenyeni yakho esikhathini esifushane, kodwa kungakongela isikhathi esiningi nosizi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Happy Umzali!
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Imicabango Yokugcina Mayelana Nokukhulisa Umzali
Okuhle ukuthi, nakuba ukukhulisa izingane kunzima, nakho kuyazuzisa kakhulu. Ingxenye embi imivuzo evame ukufika kamuva kakhulu kunomsebenzi onzima. Kodwa uma sizama ngakho konke okusemandleni ethu manje, siyogcina siyitholile imivuzo futhi ngeke sizisole ngalutho.
