Ngu: Kavita Varma-White
Yindlovu egunjini lezihloko zokukhulisa izingane: ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane ngokocansi.
Futhi akumangazi ukuthi abazali banobunzima bokukhuluma ngakho - ikakhulukazi nezingane zabo - ngoba izibalo ziyethusa futhi ziyaxaka, awufuni ukuzikholelwa.
IZIBALO ZOKUHLUKUNYEZWA EZINGANE NGOCANSI:
- Cishe umfana oyedwa kwabangu-6 kanye nentombazane eyodwa kwezine bahlukunyezwa ngokocansi ngaphambi kokuba bahlanganise iminyaka engu-18, ngokusho kweCenters for Disease Control.
- Amaphesenti angu-90 ezingane eziyizisulu zokuhlukunyezwa ziyamazi umhlukumezi wazo, ngokwemibiko kahulumeni.
- Amaphesenti angu-60 ezisulu zezingane ahlukunyezwa ngokobulili abantu umndeni obathembayo.
- Cishe amaphesenti angu-40 ezisulu zezingane ahlukunyezwa izingane ezindala noma ezinamandla kakhudlwana.
Pho yini ngempela abazali abangayenza? NAMUHLA Abazali bacele isiqondiso kochwepheshe mayelana nendlela yokubhekana nosongo abantu abaningi abanomuzwa wokuthi “ngeke lwenzeke” enganeni yabo.
“Okufanele ngabe izibalo zisitshela khona ukuthi… sonke esizikhathalelayo izingane nempilo yengqondo kanye nemiphakathi kufanele kube kukhona esikwenzayo ngakho,” kusho uJanet Rosenzweig, umbhali wencwadi ethi 'The Sex-Wise Parent' kanye nomqondisi omkhulu wenhlangano. I-American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children .
U-Rosenzweig no-Katelyn Brewer, i-CEO yenhlangano evimbela ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane, i-Darkness to Light , banikeza lesi seluleko:
1. XOXA NEZINGANE ZAKHO NGOCANSI, KUSESHESHA KANYE KANYE KAHLE.
URosenzweig uthi uhlale emangala ukuthi abazali bakuthola kunzima kanjani ukukhuluma ngocansi nezingane zabo. “Bangakhuluma ngendle kanye nokuhlanza… kodwa ngesizathu esithile, ucansi lubangela amahloni kakhulu kuneminye imisebenzi yomzimba,” usho kanje.
Qala lapho izingane zisencane ngokwanele ukubiza izingxenye zomzimba wazo futhi uzifundise amagama afanele we-anatomical. Yebo, biza umthondo ngepipi, imomozi nokuthunda, indololwane ngendololwane.
U-Rosenzweig uphakamisa ukuthi wenze uhlu lokuhlola lwemibuzo oluthi “Izindinganiso Zomndeni Mayelana Nocansi” futhi niluhlole nomndeni kanye ngonyaka. Lapho izingane zisencane, qala ngemibuzo enjengokuthi, “Sizosebenzisa ziphi izimo?” kanye nokuthi "Ubani ozobona ukuthi kusiphi isigaba sokukhumula?" Njengoba izingane zikhula, imibuzo ishintsha ngokufanele.
Sebenzisa izikhathi ezifundisekayo eziningi ngendlela ongazithola. Uma ingane yakho ifuna ukuba yedwa ekamelweni, ichaze njengendaba yokuba yimfihlo futhi iyimfihlo, uthi: “Ubumfihlo busho ukuthi uzenzela wena wedwa kodwa umama nobaba bayazi ngakho. Ukuzifihla kusho ukuthi asazi ngakho, nomndeni wethu awuzifihli.”
2. FUNDISA IZINGANE NGOKUVUKA (NGENJALO UNGAKUHLEZI NJENGOBA OKUNGENZEKA).
Ukuvusa inkanuko kungase kube enye yezimpendulo ezibaluleke kakhulu zomzimba ezihlobene nokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi izingane zakho okudingeka zazi ngakho. Chaza ukuthi kungani ukuthinta izingxenye ezithile zemizimba yabo kubenza bazizwe ngendlela ozizwa ngayo nokuthi ubani ovunyelwe ukuba akwenze kubo. (Impendulo: Akekho omunye ngaphandle kwabo ongathinta umlomo wabo, isifuba nezitho zabo zangasese.)
"Ukuvuswa kwemizwa kuyazimela, i-reflex eyenziwa ngumzimba wakho ekuphenduleni isisusa," kuchaza uRosenzweig. “Kodwa enye yezinto eyenza izingane zibe sengozini yokuxhashazwa yilapho unomnukubezi onekhono ngempela, zizama ukwenza isiqiniseko sokuthi izisulu zazo ziyavukwa inkanuko, okuzwakala kumnandi. Futhi lapho izingane zilinganisa ukuvukwa inkanuko nothando, zihlalela abantu ababi.”
Ekugcineni, izingane zidinga ukwazi kusukela zisencane ukuthi zinenkululeko yokuzikhethela emizimbeni yazo.Lokho kusho ukuthi abazali akufanele nanini bagcizelele ukuthi izingane ziqabule noma zigone abantu , kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umalume obambe iqhaza ku-Thanksgiving noma umzanyana opholile.
3. IZINGANE ZAKHO AKAZE ZADALA KAKHULU UKUNGAXOXA NGOCANSI NOKUHLUKUNYEZWA NGOCANSI.
Uma uzwa sengathi “uphuthelwe isikebhe” ngokuqhubeka nokukhuluma nentsha ngocansi, akukephuzi kakhulu.
Cishe amaphesenti angu-40 ezingane ahlukunyezwa izingane ezindala, futhi izingane ekunukubezweni ngokobulili kwezingane ziye zanda zisuka kumaphesenti angu-40 zaya kwangu-50 kule minyaka engu-10 edlule, ngokocwaningo lwe-Darkness to Light. (Ingane encane kulesi simo iseminyakeni engu-10 ubudala.)
Eziningi zalezi zigameko zihlobene nezithombe zocansi eziku-inthanethi. UBrewer uthi izingane “zizofinyelela okuqukethwe [ku-inthanethi] noma kunjalo. Futhi abazi ukuthi benzeni ngamahomoni abo uma sebebone lokho okuqukethwe. Ngakho bayayihlola ngengane encane, efinyelelekayo. Abaqondile ukuyihlukumeza le ngane — ayizona abaqwayizi — kodwa ingane ihlukumezekile ngoba kukhona into esuke ithathwe kubo abangazange bayivume.”
Uthi: “Nakuba singathanda ukufaka izingane zethu ebhamuzeni, akunakwenzeka. “Eqinisweni ukuhlala phansi nokuba nengxoxo engakhululekile nengane yakho kuzosiza ekuvimbeleni izinto ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngoba… bazoqonda ukuthi ungumuntu ophephile ongakhuluma naye futhi ngeke uthuke ukuthi’ usho igama elithi ucansi kuwe ngoba ulethe kubo kuqala."
Futhi, uma unentsha engeke ijabulise ingxoxo, uBrewer uphakamisa izindlela ezahlukene zokuxhumana.
“Bathumele isixhumanisi ngombhalo oya esihlokweni,” usho kanje. "Leyo yindlela enhle yokuqhubeka nokuba nengxoxo ngaphandle kokuthi ube nayo."
4. QAPHELA UKUTHI INGANE YAKHO ICHITHA ISIKHATHI NOBANI.
Izingane zizoba sezimeni lapho zingase zibe nesikhathi esisodwa nomuntu, kungaba abangani, othisha, abaqeqeshi noma abahlezi.
Ngakho-ke awutholi kanjani i-paranoid nawo wonke umuntu ingane yakho enaye?
Okokuqala, thintana nengane yakho ngokuningiliziwe ngemva kokuba isihlale nothile, kusho u-Rosenzweig. “Gcina umzila wokuxhumana uvulekile. Akumele kube ngendlela exakile. Vele ubuze, 'Wenzeni?' 'Uzijabulele?' 'Ubani owayelapho?'”
Ukuba nezingxoxo ezinjalo ezivamile kuzokwenza ingane izizwe ilungile ukukutshela uma kuba nesigameko lapho ingazizwa ingakhululekile.
UBrewer uyanezela ukuthi nakuba kubalulekile ukunciphisa amathuba ezigameko zokunukubezwa ngokocansi kwezingane ngokugwema izimo ezingazodwa nabantu abadala noma enye intsha, kungcono kakhulu ukuthatha indlela ehluzekile futhi wethembe amathumbu akho.
“Uma othile echitha isikhathi esiningi eyedwa nengane yakho, qondisa kabusha amandla ayo. Benze bahlangane ezindaweni zomphakathi. Kuningi ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi okwenzeka emotweni. Ungabavumeli bangene emotweni ndawonye,” kusho yena.
5. YAZI UKUTHI 'INGOZI ENGAZIWAYO' YInganekwane.
“Sikhule ‘sinengozi esingayazi’ iphoqelelwa ukuba yehlise emphinjeni,” kusho uBrewer, ebhekisela embonweni wokuthi izingane kufanele zigweme abantu ezingabazi ukuze zivikeleke ezenzweni ezizingelayo.
Okuyiqiniso: Amaphesenti angu-90 abantu abahlukunyezwayo ahlukunyezwa abantu ababaziyo nababethembayo.
“Uma lokho kungakunaki okwenzeka emagcekeni akini, angazi ukuthi kuzokwenzekani,” kusho uBrewer.
Abantu abahlukumeza izingane babukeka futhi benze njengawo wonke umuntu. Benza konke okusemandleni abo ukuze babonakale bethembekile, futhi bafune izilungiselelo lapho bengathola khona ukufinyelela okulula ezinganeni.
6. ZIFUNDISE NGEZIMPAWU ZOKUHLUKUNYEZWA ENGANE NGOCANSI.
Lokhu kuhlala kunzima kakhulu kubazali, kusho uBrewer, ngoba azikho izimpawu ezithile zomzimba eziqondile ngaso sonke isikhathi. "I-Trauma izibonakalisa ngendlela ehlukile" kuwo wonke umuntu, kusho uBrewer.
Uthi Gxila ekweqiseni. "Uma kukhona ukusabela okweqile kokuthile, themba amathumbu akho futhi wazi ukuthi kukhona okungalungile."
Isibonelo esisodwa ngesomfundi okuthe kungazelele muntu ukhulisa izinwele zakhe, akhuluphale, agqoke izingubo ezikhwantabalisayo, edlalisa izinto. Benza izinto ezizofihla ubuhlungu, bazifihle ukuthi kwenzakalani ngempela.
“Bakwenza lokho ukuze babonakale bengakhangi, ngakho umhlukumezi wabo ngeke esabafuna,” kusho uBrewer.
7. YAZI AMAZWI AMATHATHU ONGAWUSHO UMA INGANE IKUTSHELA NGOKUHLUKUNYEZWA.
Uma ingane yakho, noma noma iyiphi ingane oyaziyo, iza kuwe izodalula okungenzeka iyisisulu sokunukubezwa ngokobulili, iyodwa kuphela into ongayisho: “Ngiyakukholelwa.”
“Lawo magama amathathu ewodwa aqala ingxoxo ngendlela efanele,” kusho uBrewer. “Ungabaphenyi ngemibuzo. Kukhona ochwepheshe abakwaziyo ukwenza lokho. Ukwenza ingane yakho ikhumbule ukuthi ukuhlukumezeka akusizi kuwe, enganeni, noma kochwepheshe. Yibo abazobuza umbuzo oqondile ukuze bathole ulwazi abaludingayo.”
U-Rosenzweig wengeza ngokuthi enye yezinto ezinzima kubazali ukungazizwa benecala lapho bezwa ngesimo sokuhlukumeza esingase sibe khona. Kodwa, akufanele neze wenze ingane izizwe kabi ngakho.
Impendulo kufanele ibe mayelana nokubonga ingane yakho ngokuba nesibindi sokukutshela ngakho. Ekugcineni, uRosenzweig uthi: “Isibindi esasidinga ukuze sinqamule isilo futhi sifune usizo sasiwubuqhawe.”
Umthombo: https://www.today.com/parents/7-ways-parents-can-protect-kids-child-sexual-abuse-t150029
