Njengabazali, kuyinto yemvelo ukucabanga ngamava ethu esikhathi sobuncane futhi sizame ukusebenzisa izifundo esizifundile ekukhuliseni kwethu. Kodwa-ke, abaningi bethu ngaphandle kwenhloso baqhubekisela phambili imikhuba ethile, izindlela zokuziphatha, noma izinkolelo ezivela ekukhulisweni kwethu ezingase zingabi usizo ngaso sonke isikhathi kubantwana bethu. Ukuba umzali kuyinqubo yokufunda eqhubekayo, futhi ukuqeda umjikelezo wamaphethini amabi kungaholela ebuhlotsheni obunempilo, obuhle nabantwana bethu.
Kulo mhlahlandlela, sizohlola amaphutha ajwayelekile okuba umzali avamise ukuvela emaveni ethu esikhathi sobuncane, imiphumela angaba nayo kubantwana bethu, namasu asebenzayo okugwema ukuphinda lawo maphutha.
1. Ukuqeda Umjikelezo Wokulaya Okunzima
Ukuqonda Umthelela Wesijeziso Esilukhuni
Abaningi bethu bakhule ezindaweni lapho ukulaya okuqinile, okunenhlonipho kwakuvamile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwakubandakanya isijeziso somzimba noma ukulaya ngamazwi okunzima, lezi zindlela zingaba nemiphumela ehlala njalo empilweni yemizwa yomntwana, ukuzethemba, kanye nobuhlobo neziphathimandla. Ngenkathi ukulaya kubalulekile, kubalulekile ukusebenzisa amasu akhuthaza inhlonipho, ukuqonda, nokufunda kunokuba ukwesaba nenzondo.
Okufanele Ukwenze
- Sebenzisa ukugxilisa okuhle: Gxila ekuvuza ukuziphatha okuhle kunokuba ujezise kuphela ukuziphatha okubi. Ncoma imizamo yomntwana wakho, izinto azifezile, nezinqumo ezinhle.
- Beka imingcele ecacile, engaguquki: Kunokuba uncike esijezisweni esinzima, qinisekisa imithetho enemiphumela engaguquki esiza umntwana wakho ukuba aqonde ukuxhumana phakathi kwezenzo nemiphumela.
- Hlala uzolile futhi ubekezele: Uma umntwana wakho ephatha kabi, zama ukuphendula ngokubekezela kunokuba uthukuthele. Ukuthatha isikhashana sokuphefumula nokulungisa ngokuzolile ukuziphatha kufundisa ukulawula imizwa nokuxazulula izingxabano.
Okufanele Ukugweme
- Ungasebenzisi isijeziso somzimba: Ukulaya ngokomzimba kungase kwakuvamile ezizukulwaneni ezidlule, kodwa ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi kungaholela ezinkingeni zokuziphatha nasezinkingeni zemizwa kubantwana. Gwema ukuwashaya noma ukuwazishaya njengendlela yokulungisa.
2. Ukugwema Ukuba Ngumzali Ophakeme Noma Umzali "We-Helicopter"
Ukuvumela Abantwana Benze Izinqumo Zabo
Abaningi bethu bakhule nabazali ababenesandla esikhulu kuzo zonke izici zokuphila kwethu, bevamise ukusenzela izinqumo noma bephatha kakhulu imisebenzi yethu. Ngenkathi kuyinto yemvelo ukufunela abantwana bethu okungcono kakhulu, ukuba umzali olawula kakhulu noma "we-helicopter" kungaphazamisa ukuzimela kwabo namakhono okwenza izinqumo. Kungabangela futhi ukukhathazeka futhi kubavimbeli ukuba bafunde ukubhekana nezinselele ngokwabo.
Okufanele Ukwenze
- Khuthaza ukuzimela: Vumela umntwana wakho ukuba enze izinqumo ezifanele iminyaka yakhe futhi abhekane nemiphumela yemvelo yalezo zinqmo. Lokhu kubasiza ukuba bakhe ukuzethemba namakhono okuxazulula izinkinga.
- Nikeza isiqondiso, hhayi ukulawula: Kunokuba ulawule zonke izici zokuphila kwabo, nikeza iseluleko lapho kudingeka khona futhi ubavumele baqale phambili ekwenzeni izinqumo zabo.
- Dala amathuba okwehluleka nokukhula: Qonda ukuthi ukwehluleka kuyingxenye yokuphila. Vumela umntwana wakho ukuba abhekane nezinkinga futhi afunde kuzo, kunokuba angenele ukugwema wonke amaphutha.
Okufanele Ukugweme
- Ungaphathi kakhulu: Gwema ukuhogela umntwana wakho nokumenzela izinqumo. Banike inkululeko yokuhlola, ukwenza izinqumo, ngisho nokwehluleka ngezikhathi ezithile.
3. Ukuqhela Ekunganakeni Okungokomzwelo
Ukuqaphela Ukubaluleka Kokusekelwa Okungokomzwelo
Kwezinye izikhathi zokukhula, imizwa yayibhekwa njengesibili emiphumeleni noma ekulawuleni ukuziphatha, futhi izidingo zemizwa zazivame ukunganakwa noma zinganakwa. Kodwa-ke, ukunganakwa okungokomzwelo kungaba nemiphumela ehlala njalo ekhonweni lomntwana lokuxhumana nemizwa yakhe nokuziveza ngendlela enempilo. Ukukhuthaza indawo esekela imizwa kusiza abantwana ukuba bazizwe baqondwa, behlonishwa, futhi bephephile.
Okufanele Ukwenze
- Tholakala ngokomzwelo: Nikeza umntwana wakho ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ngokulalela ngokucophelela izinkathazo zakhe, ukuqinisekisa imizwa yakhe, nokubonisa uzwelo.
- Khuthaza ukuvezwa kwemizwa: Fundisa umntwana wakho ukuthi kulungile ukuveza imizwa yakhe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyajabula, ulusizi, ucasukile, noma wesaba. Bamsize ukuba achaze imizwa yakhe futhi abaqondise ekuvezeni kwabo ngokufanele.
- Dala ingxoxo evulekile: Yazisa umntwana wakho ukuthi angakhuluma nawe nganoma yini, futhi uqinisekise ukuthi uyatholakala futhi uvulekele ukuxoxa ngemicabango nemizwa yakhe.
Okufanele Ukugweme
- Ungayixwayi imizwa: Gwema ukutshela umntwana wakho ukuthi “akeke akhale” noma “akeke ayidlulise.” Ukuxwaya imizwa yabo kungabenza bazizwe bengahlonishwa futhi kuholele ekungaxhumaneni ngokomzwelo.
4. Ukugwema Okulindeleke Okungamanga Neziqhathaniso
Ukukhuthaza Ukukhula Kunokuba Ukuphelela
Abaningi bethu bakhule nabazali ababenethemba elikhulu, ngezinye izikhathi kuze kube sezingeni lezimfuno ezingamanga noma iziqhathaniso nabanye. Ngenkathi kubalulekile ukukhuthaza umntwana wakho ukuba azame okusemandleni akhe, ukumcindezela kakhulu noma ukumqhathanisa noontanga kungaholela ekukhathazekeni, ekungabazeni, nasekwesabeni ukwehluleka.
Okufanele Ukwenze
- Gxila emzamweni, hhayi emiphumeleni nje kuphela: Ncoma umzamo nomdlandla womntwana wakho kunokuba umphumela nje kuphela. Khuthaza ukuba bazame okusemandleni abo, kodwa bazise ukuthi amaphutha nezinkinga kuyingxenye yenqubo yokufunda.
- Gwema iziqhathaniso: Wonke umntwana uhlukile, futhi ukumqhathanisa nabanye—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yizihlobo zakhe, ofunda nabo, noma abangani bakhe—kungalimaza ukuzethemba kwakhe. Yigubhe ukuhlukana kwabo nokuthuthuka kwabo.
- Beka izinhloso ezicacile, ezifinyelelekayo: Siza umntwana wakho ukuba abeke izinhloso eziyinselele kodwa ezifinyelelekayo, futhi ugubhe ukuphumelela okuncane endleleni. Lokhu kwakha ukuzethemba nomuzwa wokufeza okuthile.
Okufanele Ukugweme
- Ungafuni ukuphelela: Gwema ukubeka amazinga angamanga noma ukusunduza umntwana wakho ukuba afeze izinto ezingaphezu kwamandla akhe. Gxila ekukhuthazeni uthando lokufunda nokukhula komuntu siqu kunokuba ukuphelela.
5. Ukwenza Ukuxhumana Okunempilo Nokulalela Ngokucophelela
Ukudala Imigqa Evulekile Yokuxhumana
Abaningi bethu bakhule emakhaya lapho ukuxhumana kwakuyimigqa emincane, nabazali ababenquma izinqumo noma benikeza imiyalelo ngaphandle kwengxoxo enkulu. Kodwa-ke, abantwana bayazuza ekuxhumaneni okucacile, okubheke phambili, lapho bezizwa bezwiwe futhi behlonishwa. Ukulalela ngokucophelela kusiza ekudaleni ubuhlobo obuqinile, obuthembekile phakathi komzali nomntwana.
Okufanele Ukwenze
- Lalela ngokucophelela: Uma umntwana wakho ekhuluma, lalela ngokucophelela futhi uphendule ngezwi elinomusa. Bonisa intshisekelo kulokho akushoyo, futhi gwema ukumphazamisa noma ukunikeza izixazululo ngokushesha ngaphandle kokuba acele.
- Buza imibuzo evulekile: Khuthaza umntwana wakho ukuba abelane ngemicabango nemizwa yakhe ngokubuza imibuzo evulekile efana nokuthi, “Kwazenze kanjani lokhu ukuba uzizwe kanjani?” noma “Ucabanga ukuthi kufanele senzeni ngalokhu?”
- Qinisekisa imizwa yabo: Ngisho noma ungavumelani nemizwa noma imibono yomntwana wakho, qaphela imizwa yabo futhi ubazise ukuthi uyabqonda. Ngokwesibonelo, “Ngiyabona ukuthi ucasukile. Ake sixoxe ngokuthi singaxazulula kanjani lokhu.”
Okufanele Ukugweme
- Ungawaxwayi amathafa abo: Gwema ukweyisa noma ukunciphisa imicabango nemizwa yomntwana wakho. Ukuxwaya amathafa abo kungaholela ekukhuleni kokungaxhumani ngokomzwelo noma ekuzizweni bengaqondwa.
6. Ukulinganisa Ukulaya Nenkululeko
Ukufundisa Umthwalo Ngemingcele
Abaningi bethu babhekana nemithetho eqinile noma engaguquki ngesikhathi sethu sokukhula, lapho inkululeko yayilinganiselwe noma izinqumo zazinqunywa abazali. Ngenkathi imithetho ibalulekile, kubalulekile futhi ukuvumela abantwana inkululeko yokwenza izinqumo zabo ngaphakathi kwemingcele ecacile. Lokhu kulinganisa kukhuthaza umthwalo futhi kusiza abantwana ukuba bafunde ukwenza izinqumo ezinhle ngokwabo.
Okufanele Ukwenze
- Beka imingcele ecacile, efanelekile: Beka imithetho elungile, efanelekile, futhi engaguquki. Yazisa umntwana wakho ukuthi kulindeleke ukuthi enze ini, futhi uchaze izizathu zalezo ziqondiso.
- Khuthaza ukuzimela ngaphakathi kwemingcele: Vumela umntwana wakho ukuba enze izinqumo futhi ahlolisise izintshisekelo zakhe, kodwa nikeza isiqondiso sokuba abasize baqonde imiphumela yezenzo zabo.
- Nikeza inkululeko ngomthwalo: Njengoba umntwana wakho ekhula, kancane kancane khulisa ukuzimela kwakhe ngenkathi usabamela futhi ubabeka imingcele abayidingayo ukuze baphumelele.
Okufanele Ukugweme
- Ungaqineli kakhulu noma ungaxoleli kakhulu: Ukulawula okweqile noma ukuntuleka kwemingcele kokubili kungalimaza. Kubalulekile ukuthola ibhalansi lapho umntwana wakho ezizwa ephephile kodwa enamandla.
Isiphetho
Ukuba umzali kuyuhambo, futhi kuyinto yemvelo ukwenza amaphutha endleleni. Kodwa-ke, ukuqaphela nokufunda emaveni adlule kukuvumela ukuba ugweme ukuphinda amaphethini amabi futhi udale indawo enempilo kubantwana bakho. Ngokucabanga ngezifundo ozifundile ekukhulisweni kwakho futhi wamukela indlela elinganiselwe, esekelayo, ungakhuthaza ubuhlobo obuhle nobunothisa nomntwana wakho. Ukungaguquki, ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo, nethemba elingamanga kuzosiza umntwana wakho ukuba akhule abe umuntu ozethembayo, onamakhono ozizwa ethandwa futhi eqondwa.
Imibuzo Ebuzwa Njalo
1. Ngazi kanjani ukuthi ngenza amaphutha afanayo nawabazali bami?
Cabanga ngendlela yakho yokuba umzali futhi ubheke ukusabela komntwana wakho. Uma uqaphela umntwana wakho ezizwa ecasukile, ekhathazekile, noma engaxhumekile, kungaba uphawu lokuthi indlela yakho idinga ukulungiswa. Ukuxhumana okucacile nomntwana wakho kungakusiza futhi ukuba ukhombe izindawo okufanele zithuthukiswe.
2. Ngingagwema kanjani ukuphinda amaphethini amabi ekubeni ngumzali wami?
Isinyathelo sokuqala wukuqaphela. Thatha isikhathi sokucabanga ngamava akho esikhathi sobuncane futhi uvume noma imaphi amaphethini ongathanda ukuwashintsha. Zibophezele ekubeni nenhloso ekubeni ngumzali wakho, ugxile ekusekelweni ngokomzwelo, ekuxhumaneni okunempilo, nasekuqhubekiseleni ukuzimela.
3. Ngingakulinganisa kanjani ukusekela ngaphandle kokuvikela kakhulu umntwana wami?
Vumela umntwana wakho isikhala sokwenza izinqumo zakhe ngenkathi unikeza isiqondiso nokusekelwa. Gwema ukungena ukuze uxazulule yonke inkinga, futhi esikhundleni salokho, bakhuthaze ukuba bathathe umthwalo wezenzo zabo futhi bafunde emaveni abo.
4. Ngingakwakha kanjani ukuxhumana okunamandla ngokomzwelo nomntwana wami?
Chitha isikhathi esihle ndawonye, lalela ngokucophelela, futhi uqinisekise imizwa yabo. Bonisa uzwelo nokuqonda, futhi uqinisekise ukuthi umntwana wakho uzizwa ekhululekile ukwabelana ngemicabango nemizwa yakhe nawe.
5. Ngingasetha kanjani okulindeleke okungamanga ekukhuleni komntwana wami?
Qonda isigaba sokukhula komntwana wakho futhi ugxile emzamweni nasekuthuthukeni kwabo, kunokuba ucele ukuphelela. Beka izinhloso ezifinyelelekayo futhi ugubhe ukuphumelela okuncane, uqinisekise ukuthi okulindeleke kwakho kuqondana namakhono omntwana wakho.
