Ibhalwe ngu:
Eminyakeni edlule ngifunde izincwadi eziningi ezimayelana nokuba umzali eziphathelene ngqo nezingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile. Enye yezintandokazi zami siqu yincwadi ethi Optimistic Parenting ka-V. Mark Durand.
Kule ncwadi, uDkt. Durand ugxile ekusizeni abazali babone izithiyo zabo ekukhuliseni izingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile, njengoba ebona ukuthi kumele sibhekane nezinselelo zethu njengabazali uma sizokwazi ukusiza izingane zethu . Lena ifilosofi eyisisekelo salokho engikukholelwayo nengikwenzayo njengodokotela. Ngiyazisa ukuthi le ncwadi isekelwe ocwaningweni olunzulu lukaDkt. Durand nozakwabo oluhilela imikhaya, abazali, nezingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe siqu nokomsebenzi. Nginikhuthaza nonke ukuthi niyifunde le ncwadi, njengoba kunemininingwane eminingi ewusizo yabo bobabili abazali nochwepheshe. Ngingathanda ukwabelana ngamaphuzu abalulekile ayishumi engiwathathe kule ncwadi futhi aqinisekiswa ulwazi lwami lomuntu siqu nobungcweti.
- Imicabango nemizwa yethu kuthonya umzali wethu.
Kuyiqiniso ukuthi izinto esizicabangayo kanye nemizwa esinayo kunethonya elikhulu ekuziphatheni kwethu njengomzali. Imicabango nemizwa engemihle iholela ekuziphatheni okungalungile futhi iqhubekisele phambili imijikelezo engalungile yokusebenzelana nezingane zethu. Ukucabanga imicabango eyakhayo nokuhlala unempilo enhle ngokomzwelo kuholela ekubeni umzali wethu endleleni eyakhayo.
- Uma sihluliwe emiqondweni yethu, intuthuko ngeke yenzeke.
Uma umzali ekholelwa ukuthi ingane yakhe ayikwazi ukuthuthuka futhi impilo yakhe imiselwe ukuba inselele njalo, lokho kuyiqiniso. Ukugcina ithemba lokuthi sonke sinamandla okushintsha, nokuthi izinto zingaba ngcono kusasa kunalokho eziyikho namuhla, kubalulekile ekwenzeni inqubekelaphambili.
- Hlala lapha-futhi-manje.
Ngokuvamile phakathi nezikhathi eziyinselele nezingane, imiqondo yethu igxumela esikhathini esizayo; futhi sigajwe umcabango wokuthi lezi zinkinga azisoze zaphela, futhi sisazobhekana nezinkinga ezifanayo eminyakeni engu-20 kusukela manje. Ukugcina izingqondo zethu zigxile kulokho okwenzekayo esikhathini samanje kusiza ekuvimbeleni ukuntula usizo nokuphelelwa ithemba.
- Gxila endabeni eyodwa ngesikhathi.
Ngokuvamile kuba njalo ukuthi abazali bezingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile babe nohlu olude lwezinto abangathanda ukuba zehluke ngengane yabo nokuphila komkhaya. Lapho abazali (noma ochwepheshe) bezama ukubhekana nezinto eziningi ngesikhathi esisodwa, wonke umuntu uyakhungatheka futhi ashiswe. Ngokuvamile kungcono kakhulu ukusebenzela ekuguquleni udaba oluthile ngesikhathi ukuze bobabili ingane nomuntu omdala bakwazi ukukhomba amandla abo futhi bazizwe bephumelele.
- Lindela okuningi enganeni yakho namuhla kunayizolo.
Lokhu akusho ukuthi unezinguquko ezinkulu kulokho okulindele kusukela osukwini olulodwa kuya kolunye. Kusho ukuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uphakamisa kancane kancane izinga phakathi kwemisebenzi yempilo ukuze udlulisele umthwalo owengeziwe enganeni yakho. Uma bengilindele ukuthi ingane yami izokhumula ezakhe izingubo izolo ngaphambi kwesikhathi sokugeza, khona-ke namuhla ngizomtshela ukuthi ayifake kuhamper. Uma ebeke inkomishi yakhe engcolile emshinini wokuwasha izitsha izolo, namuhla angabeka inkomishi nepuleti lakhe. Kunezindlela eziningi zokukhulisa kancane kancane ibha; kodwa iphuzu liwukwengeza ngokuqhubekayo kulokho okulindele ukuze ingane yakho ifunde ukwenza okwengeziwe endaweni esekelwe.
- Ungagxili ezintweni ezingezinhle uze uhluleke ukubona noma uvume okuhle .
Kulula ukungenelwa ekucabangeni ngakho konke okubi uma unengane enezinselele ezinkulu. Kodwa, lokhu kungaholela emicabangweni emibi engapheli nemizwa ethinta umzali wethu ngezindlela ezingasizi. Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukucabanga ngezinto ezimbi ezenzekayo, kubalulekile ukugxila nasezintweni ezihamba kahle. Ukugxila kokuhle kubeka izinto ezingezinhle ngendlela engcono, futhi kusisiza sihlale sinethemba ngathi, ingane, kanye nekusasa.
- Hlala uzolile futhi wenze uhlelo lwakho.
Uma izinto zibonakala zingahambi kahle, kungaba inselele ukuhlala uzolile futhi ugxile ohlelweni ozama ukulisebenzisa nengane yakho. Elinye lamakhono abaluleke kakhulu engisebenza kuwo nabazali yikhono lokuhlala uzolile lapho ingane yakho ingekho. Noma izinto zibhidlika ngelinye ilanga, kubalulekile ukuthi ungalilahli ithemba. Hlala uzolile lapho ubhekene nokuphazamiseka kwengane futhi uqhubeke usebenza uhlelo. Yile ndlela inqubekela-phambili eyenzekayo - ngisho noma kuzwakala sengathi izinyathelo ezimbili eziya phambili kanye nesinyathelo esisodwa emuva.
- Uma ungakholelwa ekutheni ingane yakho iyakwazi ukuhluka, ubani ozokwenza lokho?
Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba izingane zazi ukuthi abazali bazo bakholelwa ukuthi zingathuthuka. Akekho oyoke akhathalele ingane ngaphezu kwabazali bayo. Kungumsebenzi womzali ukubambelela enkolelweni nasekulindeleni ukuthi ingane ingashintsha ibe ngcono, futhi alindele ukuthi nabanye empilweni yengane bakholelwe okufanayo.
- Cela, futhi wamukele usizo lapho uludinga.
Isisho esithi “kudinga idolobhana ukukhulisa ingane” siyiqiniso kuzo zonke izingane, kodwa ikakhulukazi izingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile! Kunezikhathi lapho kudingeka usizo, futhi abazali kufanele bazame ukwazisa abanye ini iyadingeka. Ngisebenze nabazali abangakholwa ukuthi banomuntu empilweni yabo ongabanikeza usizo, kodwa lokhu akuvamile ukuba kube ngokoqobo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izisebenzi zesikole sengane, abantu basesontweni, umelaphi wengane, abangani noma izinhlangano zomphakathi, cishe kuhlale kukhona abantu abanganikeza ukusekelwa ngandlela thize. Ukuqaphela ukuthi akekho ongenza lokhu yedwa, futhi ukuba nesibindi nokuphikelela ngokwanele ukucela lokho okudingayo, kuyadingeka. Phela abazali bezingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile basuke begijima i-marathon futhi badinga ikhefu nokusekelwa uma bezowubona umjaho.
- Yiba mnene kuwe.
Ekugcineni sonke singabantu, futhi njengabantu siyawenza amaphutha futhi sifisa sengathi ngabe senze izinto ngendlela ehlukile. Wonke umzali uyazisola ngamaphuzu ahlukahlukene mayelana nendlela abasingatha ngayo izinto, indlela abazizwa ngayo ngokuthile okuhlobene nengane yabo, noma izinto abacabanga ukuthi kufanele ngabe bazifezile. Kubalulekile ukuthi abazali bagxile ezintweni ezinhle abazenzayo, bangabi nokugxeka ngokweqile noma bazijezise ngamaphutha noma izinkinga. Usuku ngalunye lunikeza ithuba elisha lokwenza izinguquko, sebenzisa uhlelo, bese uzama futhi.
Ukuhlakulela umuzwa wokuba nethemba kubalulekile kubazali bezingane ezinezidingo ezikhethekile. Ngaphandle komuzwa wethemba kulula ukuzizwa ungenathemba ngekusasa lengane yakho, futhi ungenakuzisiza ukuba nomthelela woshintsho empilweni yengane yakho. Ukulondoloza ithemba lapho ubhekene nezinselele kulula kwabanye abazali kunabanye; kodwa sonke singazuza ngokubheka izindlela zokuletha ithemba elikhulu ekuphileni kwethu. Sethemba ukuthi le mininingwane izokhuthaza imicabango mayelana nokuthi kusho ukuthini "ukuba umzali onethemba" kuwe.
Umthombo: https://www.drbeurkens.com/
