Ngokuvamile kuphakathi kweminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye neshumi nambili lapho abantwana bethu abancane abahle, abathandekayo, abake bathanda ukugibela emathangeni ethu futhi babelane ngezimfihlo zabo, kungazelelwe bafune okuncane noma bangahlanganise lutho nathi. Ingane yakho engakafiki eminyakeni eyishumi nambili ayisiye umuntu owayeyiyo ngonyaka noma emibili edlule. Useshintshile—ngokomzimba, ngokwengqondo, ngokomzwelo nangokwenhlalo. Iqala ukuzimela futhi ingase ifune ngisho nokubona ukuthi ingayibekela kude kangakanani imingcele ebekwe abazali.
Angase akwazi ukuthi ukudinga kakhulu njengakuqala, ngoba ubuhlobo obuqinile phakathi komzali nengane manje bungabeka isisekelo sobusha obungenazinxushunxushu. Kodwa ngeke kube lula, ngoba wena njengomzali udinga ukuhlonipha isidingo sengane yakho sokuzimela okwengeziwe ukuze wakhe ubuhlobo obuphumelelayo nale nguqulo "ebuyekeziwe" yengane yakho.
Sicele amathiphu athile ochwepheshe ukuze akusize ugcine iziteshi zokuxhumana zivulekile phakathi kwakho nentsha yakho—futhi ube noshintsho olushelelayo lweminyaka yobusha.
1. Ungazizwa wenqatshwa ukuzimela kwabo okusha.
Kufanelekile ukuthi izingane ezikule minyaka ukuthi ziqale ukufulathela abazali bazo futhi zithembele kakhulu kubangani, kodwa abazali bangathatha ukuhoxa kwabo ngaphambi kwentsha njengokunqatshelwa. “Ngokuvamile abazali benza kube ngokwakho elinye ibanga elenzekayo bese belichaza ngokungeyikho njengokwenqaba ngamabomu noma mhlawumbe ukuziphatha okuphikisayo,” kusho uCatherine Steiner-Adair, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseHarvard, umeluleki wezikole nomlobi wencwadi ethi The Big Disconnect .
Qaphela ukuthi ungazami ukuphoqa ulwazi ukuthi luphume endaweni eqinile. “Lesi isikhathi lapho izingane ziqala khona ngempela ukuba nezimfihlo kithi,” kusho uDkt. Steiner-Adair, “futhi abazali abangakubekezeleli kangako lokho kuguquka—abafuna ukwazi yonke into—bangahlukanisa izingane zabo ngokufuna ukwazi kakhulu. "
Ngokuvamile kunzima ukwenza izingane ezisanda kweva eshumini nambili zivuleke futhi zikhulume. U-Laura Kirmayer, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo we-Child Mind Institute, uphakamisa ukuthi kumiswe isikhathi esikhethekile sesikhathi esisodwa noma kabili ngesonto osichitha phakathi kwakho, lapho unikeza ukunakwa okungahlukanisiwe futhi ungasebenzi noma ukuthumela imiyalezo ngesikhathi esifanayo.
Ngokwenza lokhu awugcini nje ngokuthuthukisa ubuhlobo bakho, ufundisa namakhono okusebenzelana nabanye azobaluleka esikhathini esizayo. "Leso sikhathi sekhwalithi sibalulekile ngempela," kusho uDkt. Kirmayer, "futhi kuyinto esingase singayinaki ngoba izingane zethu kungenzeka zithi azikufuni bese ziyahoxa. Futhi singase sivumelane nalokho kuthambekela singahlosile."
Lapho besebancane wawukwazi ukubuza imibuzo eqondile. Bekunjani esikoleni? Wenze kanjani esivivinyweni? Manje, indlela eqondile—ukubaqhumisa ngebhomu ngemibuzo ngesikole nosuku lwabo—ayisasebenzi. Ngokushesha lokho kuzwakala kungaphezu kwamandla futhi kuyaphazamisa. Futhi kuzobuyela emuva.
Uma kukhona, kusho uDkt. Kirmayer, kufanele uthathe indlela ephambene futhi uzibeke njengomlaleli nje: "Uma uvele uhlale phansi, ngaphandle kwemibuzo, futhi ulalele nje, maningi amathuba okuthi uthole ulwazi mayelana nawe. impilo yengane oyifunayo." UDkt. Kirmayer uthi le ndlela yokufundisa inika izingane umyalezo wokuthi "le yindawo lapho zingafika zizoxoxa khona, futhi zinemvume yokusho noma yini eziyicabangayo noma eziyizwayo." Ngezinye izikhathi uzokwazi ukusiza futhi unikeze iseluleko—kodwa ungazami ukungenela futhi uxazulule zonke izinkinga zabo. Kwesinye isikhathi uzobe ulapho ukuze uzwele ukuthi kunzima kangakanani ukubhekana nanoma yini ababhekene nayo.
4. Ungahluleli ngokweqile.
“Kule minyaka izingane zakho zikubuka ngobuhlakani ukuze zizwe indlela owahlulela ngayo abanye,” kweluleka uDkt. Steiner-Adair. "Bathatha imibono yabo mayelana nokuthi ukhuluma kanjani ngabantwana babanye abantu, ikakhulukazi izingane ezingena enkingeni - ukuthi intombazane igqoka kanjani, noma umfana uziphatha kahle noma uziphatha kabi. Futhi bayakubuka futhi banqume ukuthi unokhahlo noma ugxeka noma ukwahlulela."
Unikeza isibonelo somzali othi, "'Angikholwa ukuthi ufake lesi sithombe ku-Facebook! Ukube singabazali bakhe ngabe sihlukumezeka.' Noma 'Angikholwa ukuthi uthumele leyo vidiyo ye-YouTube!' Baphawula ngokuziphatha okudinga ukuphawulwa ngakho, kodwa ukuqina nokuqina kokwahlulela kwabo yikho okubabuyisela emuva."
5. Bheka lokho abakubuka kanye nabo.
Kusukela esikoleni esiphakathi, ukubuka izinto ingane yakho efuna ukuzibuka nayo futhi ukwazi ukuzihleka futhi ukhulume ngazo kuyindlela ebalulekile yokuxhumana nokukwazi ukuxoxa ngezihloko obekungaba yinto engafaneleki. "Ungagxili kakhulu endleleni ogxeka ngayo izindinganiso," kusho uDkt. Steiner-Adair.
6. Ungesabi ukuqala izingxoxo zocansi nezidakamizwa.
Iqiniso elidabukisayo liwukuthi izingane ziqala ukusebenzisa izidakamizwa notshwala ziseneminyaka engu-9 noma engu-10. Futhi ngokukaDkt. Kirmayer, “Ukuthuthuka ngokobulili kuyingxenye enkulu yale minyaka, futhi yilapho siqala khona ukubona kuphakama ukuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla. , ngakho-ke lena iminyaka ebalulekile yokuthi sakhe isisekelo esiqinile futhi sibanikeze ulwazi olufanele ngokwentuthuko." UDkt. Kirmayer uphakamisa ukunikeza phakathi kwakho ulwazi nezinsiza ngaphandle kwengcindezi "yenkulumo" enkulu.
Utusa izincwadi ezinjengethi The Boy's Body Book (ebhalwe nguKelli Dunham) kanye nethi, The Care and Keeping of You (ebhalwe nguValarie Schaefer) ukwethula ukuthuthukiswa kwezocansi kanye nezinkulumo Eziyishumi Abazali Okufanele babe nazo Nezingane Zabo mayelana Nezidakamizwa Nezinqumo (kaDominic Cappello). ) ukuveza indaba yezidakamizwa.
“Bazovezwa lezi zinto ngontanga yabo,” usho kanje. "Ufuna ukubanikeza ulwazi olunembile, kodwa ufuna ukukwenza ngendlela engeke ibe namandla. Bavumele bayibeke eshalofini labo lezincwadi ukuze bayibheke futhi beze kuwe nemibuzo." Incwadi kaDkt. Steiner-Adair ethi The Big Disconnect iphinde inikeze imibhalo nezeluleko mayelana nendlela yokukhuluma nezingane zakho ngocansi.
7. Ungasheshi.
UDkt. Steiner-Adair uxwayisa ngokuba umama noma ubaba okuthi, esimweni esibi, enze izinto zibe zimbi nakakhulu. Unikeza lesi sibonelo: "Indodakazi yakho ingena ikhala; ayizange imenywe endaweni yokulala. Ibona isithombe sayo ku-Instagram noma ku-Snapchat. Umzali uthi, 'O nkosi yami, angikholwa ukuthi ubungekho. umenyiwe! Kubi lokho! Ngizobiza umama.'" Lesi sitayela sokukhulisa idrama sikhulisa idrama, sithela uphethiloli elangabini lentsha yangaphambi kokuthomba evele isivele i-hyper-reactive. Benza izingane zabo zicasuke kakhulu.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungabi umzali “omane nje angazinaki izinto,” kusho uDkt. Steiner-Adair. Uzibeka engcupheni yokubonakala ungenandaba noma ungenandaba nezingane.
Lapho osemusha ebanjwa enephathi enotshwala, umzali ongenalwazi angase athi, "'O, lezo izingane nje ezidakwayo ephathini yebanga le -10.' Ngakho izingane zibuka izingane zakubo ezindala zibalekela yonke into ngaphandle kwemiphumela bese zicabanga, 'Kuhle, kungani ngingazitshela okuthile? Kungani ngingaphendukela kuzo?'
9. Khuthaza imidlalo yamantombazane.
Ukuzethemba kwamantombazane kukhula lapho esencane eneminyaka engu-9 bese kwehla lapho, kodwa ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi amantombazane adlala emaqenjini anokuzethemba okuphezulu. Amantombazane emaqenjini ezemidlalo nawo athambekele ekwenzeni kangcono ezifundweni futhi abe nezinkinga ezimbalwa zesithombe somzimba.
U-Anea Bogue, umsunguli wohlelo lokunikeza amandla amantombazane olubizwa ngokuthi i-REALgirl, uyaphawula, “Kukhona ukuhlobana okuvamile, kokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, phakathi kwamantombazane adlala imidlalo yamaqembu kanye namantombazane ahlupheka kancane ngokuzethemba ngenxa yokuthi abheka ngaphakathi nakwabanye. amantombazane ngenani lawo, esikhundleni sokubheka abafana ukuze baqinisekiswe."
10. Khulisa uhlangothi lomzwelo lomfana wakho.
" Enye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu kubafana kule minyaka ukuthi imiyalezo evela kumasiko mayelana nekhono labo lothando, ubungane bangempela nobudlelwano iyingozi kakhulu kubo," kusho uDkt. Steiner-Adair. "Bathi noma yini ehlobene nemizwa yangempela-uthando, ukudabuka, ukuba sengozini-yintombazane, ngakho-ke yimbi."
Okungenani abazali kufanele benze konke abangakwenza ukuze bakhuthaze abafana ukuba bazwele futhi babe sengozini ekhaya, kuyilapho ngesikhathi esifanayo bevuma iqiniso lokuthi lezo zici zingase zingaqhubeki kahle esikoleni. “Ungamtshela,” kuchaza uDkt. Steiner-Adair, “ukuthi lapho eneminyaka engu-15 noma engu-16, lapho efuna ukuba nentombi, lokhu kuzomsiza kakhulu.”
Ukuthola ibhalansi efanele phakathi kwakho cishe ngeke kube umsebenzi wobuzali olula owake waba nawo. Kuzothatha ukuzama nephutha, kodwa ukugcina iziteshi zokuxhumana zivulekile phakathi nale minyaka kuwufanele umsebenzi okuzodingeka uwenze.
Umthombo: https://www.webmd.com
