Njengabazali, asifuni neze ukusolwa ngokukhulisa ama-spoiled brats. Sibonile ukuthi izingane ezonakele zikhula kanjani zibe abantu abadala abanenkinga yokubhekana nanoma iyiphi indlela yokuphila. Ukuze sazi okwengeziwe ngokumosha izingane, ake siqale sibheke incazelo yengane eyonakele.
Spoiled silly
Udokotela wengqondo yengane nentsha u-Maria Celina H. Germar , MD, FPPA, FPSCAP, ophethe umtholampilo e-UERM Memorial Medical Center, uchaza ingane eyonakele ngokuthi “ingane ezitika ngokweqile ehileleka ekuziphatheni okungafanele emphakathini (okungukuthi, ukucasuka, ukukhala, ukukhala, ukufuna ngokweqile noma ukuxhaphaza) noma nini lapho engakutholi akufunayo.” Unezela ngokuthi ingane eyonakele yileyo ethole izinto ezibonakalayo ngokweqile futhi ayizange inikezwe isakhiwo nemingcele eyanele. “Akakwazi ukuzithiba, wenza izinto ngokuxhamazela, akakubekezeleli ukukhungatheka, futhi unobunzima bokulibala ukuzanelisa.”
Njengomama wezingane ezimbili, uDkt. Germar uthi ukona ingane akuthetheleleki futhi akukho okuhle okungavela kukho. “Ngicabanga ukuthi ukuziphatha okucasulayo, nokungabi nasimilo okuchaza i-brat empeleni kuwukuziphatha okufanayo esikubona enganeni eyonakele,” uyachaza. UDkt. Germar uphawula ukuthi ukona ingane yomuntu kunemiphumela eminingi engemihle engase ibe nayo. “Kuthikameza ukukwazi ukuzimela ngoba ingane isuke ithembele kakhulu kwabanye. Umntwana owonakele angase ahluleke ukukhula abe umuntu omdala ovuthiwe, okwaziyo ukuzinakekela nokulawula ukuphila kwakhe ngezindlela ezinhle. Angase angathuthuki amakhono okuxazulula izinkinga futhi angase akuthole kunzima ukubhekana nezingcindezi zokuphila zansuku zonke. Angase abe nenkinga yokuxhumana nabanye ngoba akafundanga ukucabangela izidingo nezifiso zabanye abantu,” usho kanje.
UChristopher Franz A. Carandang , uthisha wezengqondo e-University of the Philippines Diliman, wabelana ngemibono efanayo noDkt. Germar. Ukhuluma ngesipiliyoni sakhe seminyaka eqhuba i-play therapy nezingane futhi ekhuluma nabazali futhi.
“Igama elithi 'Spoiled' lisetshenziselwa ukuchaza izingane (ngisho nabantu abadala) okubonakala sengathi ngaso sonke isikhathi bafuna ukwenza izinto ngendlela yabo ngaphandle komzamo wanoma iyiphi imali,” kusho uCarandang. Uyanezela, “Okuwukuphela kwento ‘engathethelelwa’ engiyicabangayo yilapho ugogo nomkhulu ‘bechitha’ abazukulu babo. Kodwa noma kunjalo, kuseyindima yabazali ukubeka imingcele.”
Ingane eyonakele nayo isuke ibalekela noma yini. Ucabanga ukuthi akudingekile ukuba aphendule ngezenzo zakhe nemiphumela ehambisana nazo. UCarandang uyachaza, “Okuyingozi ukuthi lezi zingane zingase ziphenduke abantu abadala abanomuzwa wokuthi ‘zingakwazi ukubulala,’ ngoba akukho mingcele ebekiwe lapho zisakhula.”
UCarandang ukholelwa ukuthi ukona ingane yomuntu nakho kubangela ukuthi ingane ingaqiniseki ngamakhono ayo, amandla, nokuqina. Akakaze athembele kwezakhe izinsiza ngoba sekuhlale kukhona abantu abadala abamhlenga emiphumeleni yesenzo sakhe.
UMTHOMBO: www.smartparenting.com.
